Crane-sama says...

Have fun tonight/tomorrow!

The Oceanside

LA Times, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where the air is pure and clean.
I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where I can hear my dreams crash into me.

Oceanside | Angels of Light & Akron/Family

I do not intend to end 2010 with a melancholy post. However, 2010 is the year of the Rabbit. Something I will share with my Father. As such, I must be honest with myself and my emotions. I must embrace old pain as I prepare for a year I'm determined to be better than the one before. Truly, I must win in this year, as it is my year more than most.

This coming March it will be 4 years. And still, gospel music is something I hide from. Both comforted by the memories they evoke and incredibly pained.

I was sitting in the living room only a few moments ago when I heard a familiar song drift through the house from the television my grandmother as has once again allowed to watch her sleep. And suddenly my emotions become to much. The song became to much.

I turned on my music to hide and drown out the song and the memories it brought. But the damage was done.

The emotions had come.

So instead I write them down. I share them with words as I never could with voice. In some respect...I grasp at the memories as fiercely as I wish to cast them aside.

But in the end we are merely a collection of our past memories and our present actions as we move on. In less than 24 hours the year begins again. And like Janus, I will open another door.

Only time will tell what new experiences it will hold.



Nevermore, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.
My iPod, elle est morte...

As in, she has gone to gadget heaven and it's time for me to move on. Simple enough as I'd been cheating on her for almost a year with my new love: Nexus One.

That's not to say I didn't love her anymore. I did. I mean, sure... I was no longer technically in- love with her anymore... But one doesn't just have a 3 year relationship end without some feelings of remorse and loss. After all, 3 years can hold quite a few memories of good times.

However, just as the sun will rise, so to will it set. And it has finally set on my Apple flavored lifeline.

I'll admit, this relationship ends with a few bitter feelings. After all... When I was with Creative they never died on me!

But really, my iPods death was just a formality. The final nail in the coffin that was our relationship.

I'd moved on. There was a new gadget in my life that did all that I asked for and more...

So on this day... December 29th, 2010... I say goodbye. May you enjoy the Apple-afterlife on the Island of Forgotten Toys

In my moment of introspective silence... I play:

The Way The Wind Blows | A Hawk and a Hack Saw


Good Eye Sniper

Music, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So as I sit here between 5th and 4th st train station, waiting to return to my final destination I had one true thought before I pulled my laptop out to type this...

My dad would not be pleased.


But in other news... My music is playing and the songs are switching making me feel a little... scatterbrained I guess. Because with every song change my mood changes to match the song. It's crazy.

We went to see the Tourist today though. And to put it simply... Brilliant. Though, you should definitely quantify that by the fact that it had Johnny Depp AND Angelina Jolie in the film. The film crew would have had to work really hard to mess up that combination.

But today was interesting with a dash... Well a very large dose of funny. And not in my, life is funny kind of way. Nope, in a pure wry small or small giggle I wont repeat anything... kind of way.

It was nice.

But the train is coming 'round the mountain and my computer is about to die, so that's it for today.

However, it's safe to say that I've definitely met my quota of blog posts for the year... Not that I'm ready to hang up the hat for the year yet

You're so beautiful... | Blink 182 | Going Away to College

Alls Well

Holiday, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

...That ends well.

So I went to my step-father's, step-father's girlfriend's [would that make her my step-grandmother?] house for Christmas... lunch, I suppose you could call it. And it was...


For multiple reasons, but the main being simply... I wasn't with what I would consider family, and even though the people were pleasant, they were a little too pleasant. Almost immediately after stepping into the huge house in Hollywood my only thought was...

This was a mistake! I need to get back home to my granny...

I mean, it was honestly like walking into hell... Also known as suburbia, and I couldn't handle it. I didn't breathe properly until we left again.

But other than that... My little brother got a Kinect for Christmas [Yes, he's spoiled.] And all I can say is... If you were even passingly thinking about buying it... Do so.

It. Is. Insanely. fun

We played Kinect Adventures for at least an hour and a half and it was just so intuitive... It makes you wonder how Sony and Nintendo intend to compete with such a solid and all around awesome console.


This is Christmas

Holiday, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

It's officially Christmas here in California and I can only assume Santa is still making his rounds. It's Christmas. Both my 23rd and my 2nd.

Both my favorite and, well...

It's Christmas. Kissmas. And I hope everyone who comes across this post fully enjoys it. For me, and anyone else who will go with through the day experiencing waring emotions like a pregnant woman in the heart of her pregnancy.

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear


Love You More

IMG_4354, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

...Than you like me

So the rain has finally stopped and for the first time in weeks, I see the sun.

Now if I were telling you this story in person I might have paused to break out in song... You know the really annoying one from the 90s?

I saw the sun.. It opened up my life! I saw the sun...

Yeah... Not nearly as funny through text, but if you went to my private elementary school you to would cringe at the memory. Why? You ask. Well... Let's put it this way...

A group of girls, that would sing that horrible song on loop. Actually now that I think about... I think they only say that small portion of the song... Which is probably why 18 years later it still torments me.

But like I said, the sun is out. Or rather, was out. Because at 4:21 pm, there's only a good 30 to 40 minutes left of sun, if that.

However, the respite was welcome. Even if it literally is only a brief one, considering it's expected to rain on Sunday.

In other news, for some reason I've been living through this week expecting Christmas to be on Friday. Yeah... apparently not. But that's what happens when you don't watch tv, abstain from the internet for extended periods of time and get multiple shocks dropped on you within a short period of time.


Despite it all, this has been a relatively tame week. Sure there have been bouts of... Over emotional stimulation, but it's the holidays. Who isn't being over stimulated?

Really, I just think we all needed a little bit of sun. Or perhaps the need was felt only by me... I'd say it's like moving from a space station to a place on earth where it's dark 90 percent of the year... You need to see the sun before you can feel like you've come home.

It's all rather interesting.

What you do to me... No one knows | Queens of the Stone Age | No One Knows


The Courtyard

The Courtyard, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.
Two hours ago I had a pretty solid idea on what I wanted to blog about today. However, one excellent viewing of Claire Danes as Temple Grandin later and... Well this will be a bit free form.

But to begin: My father is moving to Florida.

Why is he moving to Florida? Love. While I was mildly upset about this yesterday when I found out, today, I can only be amused by it all.

Why? This woman sounds perfect for my father. She has three boys apparently and they sound wildly fascinating. And to top it all off, I'm apparently not only invited to visit whenever I want... There willing to buy the ticket.

Now, don't get me wrong... I haven't met this woman yet and I haven't talked to her either. Also, most women that enter my father's life tend to see me as a means to earn brownie points with my father. Which immediately ensures that I'll never respect them.

This time feels different, however. And while it's a little disappointing that he's moving to the penis of America... [Yes, that is what I lovingly call Florida...] It's kind of cool that I have a finally have a reason to give Florida another chance... [I'm looking at you childhood vacation to Disneyworld that consisted of non stop rain]

It's funny. The more I think about this the more excited I get. I really hope this works out. After all, my dad isn't getting any younger.... And if he can find someone... Maybe there's hope for me to?

lol. Just kidding... maybe



IMG_5756, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Funnily enough, in the space of a few blinks and couple clicks of the mouse, I've completely forgotten what I wanted to blog about...

However, the gist of m subject matter remains.... Perceptions.

For the past few days I've gone to sleep with two rather insistent plot bunnies attacking my brain. Finally last night [or morning, it was 2 am] I propped open my laptop and wrote a few paragraphs.

After getting the opening scene done, I closed my computer and went to sleep with a feeling of contentment... Finally at ease in the knowledge that I would not fall asleep and forget the plot.

On awaking this morning, I once again plugged in my laptop.. Turned on some music and set about revision and addition. However, I was almost immediately faced with two problems.

While I was sleeping a single plot bunny divided itself in two. On one hand, the story was started in first person... On the other, to tell the story fuller I started to feel it needed to be in third. What to do?

Well, first things first, I pressed shuffle on my itunes. I'd grown tired of the New Young Pony Club. Then I made myself some [intensely horrible, but my only option... instant] coffee and let my mind wonder.

Thirty minutes later and a temporary solution had come to me. Feeling rejuvenated, I write the next few lines of dialogue and emotion. And on a whim... Or rather, while not focusing on the actual words of the story, I look at the word count...


When reading stories online you rarely even blink for a story that's less then a 1000 words, let alone less then half of that. Going further, if a writer were to update a chaptered story with barely 408 words they'd be looking at at least one flame in retaliation...

And yet, while actually writing the story... 408 words can feel like a small victory.

And so the title of this post: Perceptions.

I just thought it interesting.

I'd rather be lonely then happy with somebody else... | Love Me or Leave Me | Nina Simone


Rain, Rain...

IMG_5769, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Go away... Come again another day...

So maybe it's because I'm from a city that considered rain such a foreign phenomenon that people born and raised there still have no idea how to drive in it...

Or maybe it's because I was cutest little tomboy you could imagine as a little person [Yeah, I know I have modesty down in spades...]

But whatever the reason, I loved the rain. Still do, however, when I was younger it wasn't so much that actual rain that I love... But the critters it always left behind.

Yep! I was that girl. The one eager to get outside after it rained so I could pick up earthworms, count the slugs with the boys, and attempt to jump over puddles wider then I was tall.

I loved it.

Which... Is a little ironic, because now I step out on the porch on my porch and cringe when not only are there snails and worms, but slugs as well!

Where once there was a fascination tinged with the excitement of the forbidden [because girls do not pick up snails and carry them around...] Now there is only a subtle grossness.

However, while I've shed that aspect of my inner little boy... I still love the rain. And yes... I know that statement is in direct contrast to my last post where I complained about how wet it is in LA.

But alas... It's all good. Bugs and all

It's raining, it's pouring... The old man is snoring... He went to bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning...


In crisis

The New Sexual Revolution, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.
So, yesterday we addressed the fact that I say: You know? Life is funny sometimes... Quite a bit.

So of course it only made sense that today, the universe decided to show me just how funny it can be. So let's begin:

Life is funny sometimes... In a not kind of way.

Reason number one: It's raining in LA... RAINING! I just left rain! I expected SUN and heat and... You know... NOT RAIN!

Anéwé.... [french joke]

Reason number two, three and four: And really, I have no idea how to even go about articulating this one... So I'll explain from the beginning...I went on a Best Friend Date today... [You know, like... a Bromance, but with out the bro or the lack of intelligence]. We went to our [formally favorite] Barnes & Noble, expecting: good coffee, better magazines and amazing books...

Almost immediately we go for coffee [as that's always the first step.] And my coffee was obnoxiously bad. I mean, beyond the pale. To be clear, it's the coffee you serve someone right before you break up with a person and tell them you never liked them anyway...

Then, after I get a comped Americano [like I said... I wasn't drinking that coffee] I make my way to the magazine racks only to discover my three favorite magazines just aren't being carried anymore.

Which magazines? You ask. Good, Mojo, and Juxtapose.

Now thoroughly off my game, I attempt to settle for other magazines... It didn't work. So I made my way upstairs. Determined to at least get something out of this trip, I attempt to finish out my Christmas list [the little people's gifts] by buying them graphic novels.

HOWEVER... Right as I got into my book browsing groove... Right as I start to feel like B&N had finally redeemed itself for it's previous crimes against me... All of a sudden, this Big Bertha of a woman interjects herself into my awareness...

Now, I know what you're thinking... You're a nice person Candyce! What was the harm in having a conversation with a stranger up on her comic lore???

Well, first of all... There is none. The problem is...

Big Bertha: n 1. Used to describe an old, overweight, super butch in prison. They generally attempt to take young unassuming convicts under their wing to turn them into their 'women.2 Same as the above, except the Bertha is out in the real world...

Now as you can see, if I've described this woman as a Bertha... That makes me the young unassuming woman, and Dear, God...

It wasn't disturbing because she was butch or overweight.. It was disturbing because she seemed to think I was barely legal. Going so far as to say, "You're probably to young to remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..."


And yet, she spent at least 40 minutes trying to pick me up! Now this woman HAD to be at least as old as my Grandmother, or at the very least, only a few years younger!

Then, to top off my day...

Reason number five: I discover a credit card company has basically been stealing me blind for the past 6 months and that I have to wait until Monday to even speak to them about it!

::deep breaths::

The good news?

In an hour a new day starts and I can start again. Hopefully the universe decides to smile on my again.

I do believe... | They Will Appear | Akron/Family


Is it a tombstone?

Sweetness, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Life is funny sometimes.

And really, I say that so often it should be my catchphrase. Or rather, it will end up being one of things people will remember me by. My tombstone, in all likelihood could end up reading: Indeed, Life is Funny Sometimes...

Actually, now that I think about it I may just have to request that it happens that way. It'd be my last inside joke that would last as long as people remembered me...

But that was a tangent. So...

Life is funny sometimes.

This was supposed to be the year of increased everything. Increased blogposts, increased music consumption, increased relevancy, and just... more.

Yet as we near the end of the year it's becoming increasingly obvious that that will not be the case. Sure, I've managed to widen my musical horizons, but really... There was never a chance that that wasn't going to happen. On the other hand however, I'll be lucky to break even with my blog count for last year and as for relevancy...

That's always up for debate, but I'm not sure I did so well there either.

This was a year of calm drama. Which... is kind of funny in a not kind of way. I gained and lost friends as quickly as my heart beats and yet... Funnily enough, I will end the year with the same core friends I had at the beginning of it.

I'd like to think I grew some this year. I learned more about myself and thus learned more about others. I reached an apex of my faith then became disillusioned by my fellow members.

I changed this year.

Not for better or worse, simply a sidestep in life.

I reconnected with the woman I once thought I'd marry only to realize there are somethings better left in the past, untouched by present day realities.

Really, for a year seemingly so mundane it only makes sense that my experiences within it be equally mundane yet many.

It's funny in a way.

I barely posted anything here this year, and yet my Google Buzz account is practically brimming with nonsense. It seems, while it might have been a slow news year for me personally... The rest of the world was brimming with stories that made you ache for a time that never was... A time when common sense was the law of the land and people using logic wasn't such an absurd unheard of thought.

I don't know. There have been plenty of times when I, between destinations would think.. . Life is funny sometimes... then words would pour out of my brain only to disappear into the air because I didn't take the time to write them down.

Maybe it's better that way.

I don't know... One day I'll make sense. 'Till then, there's music to be listened to and thoughts to be thought.

Oh, and a story to be written.

"My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth..." - Modest Mouse


Maya. & Me

M.I.A., originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Last night I dreamed I was in a relationship with M.I.A.

It's hard writing this post because I feel like it makes me seem like a crazy rabid stalker type person. I'm not. I swear, lol.

BUT! I did indeed dream that we were dating and it was... So nice. And the dream seemed to last months, even though it was at most, 10 hours...

Actually now that I think about it, it was M.I.A.... but it felt like my ex.

So perhaps, this blog post should be titled: Pasha & Me...

Oh god, I'm so cheesy.


Before and Again

pe ac e, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

All of my dreams are memories
That I can't place to a time or a face
But my body knows
Of the ribbons and hose
That I once was tied in
In my mother's skin

Before and Again | Akron/Family

Life is funny sometimes.

Or rather not funny... But curious. Intriguing in the sense that it keeps going.The exact beginning of it all is going to be debated until the exact end.

Big Bang or Divine Intervention?

Who knows? And at the end of it all, does it really matter? Life will continue long after our short stint with it, so really.. arguing about the logistics of it all tends to feel pointless at times.

Or, not really pointless... But just, more of the same.

It's funny. Not life, but, well, me I guess. There's always so much going on internally. So much I'd love to share... Here, in this blog... In person, with friends... family, lovers...

But moments are so fleeting. A moment rarely lasts long enough for me to translate a thought to action. And in the meantime emotions are left in their wake. Sometimes with the feeling of missed chances. Sometimes with the feeling that you've selfishly kept great truths to yourself.


Will commence progress soon

Seasons change, buildings whither, skin wrinkles... Life goes on. Unencumbered by a single soul frozen in place.


Welcome to the World

I thought it was a slow news day. I was only mildly annoyed by that. Then I stumbled across an article. The kind of article that overwhelms you with implications. And honestly, it's the kind of thing that frustrates the hell out of you.

American student finds GPS tracker stuck to car, FBI shows up to reclaim it

Found on Engadet, the writer does a good job of trying to make this seem like a non issue. As if a wholly uninteresting college student discovering a tracking device under his car and then being threatened by the FBI isn't that big of a deal. I mean, obviously it's a little bit of a big deal... But not big enough to truly alarm...

At least that's what you would think if you simply read the barely two paragraph long article and went on about your day. However, anyone with even slightly open eyes with a fully functioning brain would read that article and feel....

Well, what does one feel when they are faced once again with the realization that in the eyes of their government their rights as outlined in the Constitution are meaningless. Not that wasn't already known, after all the courts did just rule that people could not reasonably expect privacy in their car if they were driving in a public place...


How does one support a country that does not support it's citizens? The world is so bizarre now. It's funny because conservatives and... well actually both sides of the political spectrum like to tell you about how bad it is in the Middle East and other countries. How the people there live in outright fear of their government, fear of Sharia Law... just: Fear.

But you know what? At least their laws are defined. At least they know what to fear.

Here? We have willful ignorance. We burry our heads in the sand and hope today isn't the day that we say the wrong thing in front of the wrong person and disappear.

It's funny in a not kind of way... Our founding fathers would be absolutely horrified to see what America has evolved to.

But then, our founding fathers wouldn't have been to fond of me either.

Still... We use the term: to big to fail...

You know what? Never mind.

Is ignorance bliss?


Candid Play

Candid, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I can't believe I only updated this twice this month! Well, three now including this one... Which means I updated my blog 3 times in September... My birthday is September 3rd....


But in other news.. Morgan Webb of G4 fame came to my school and did a Q&A where she was super candid and super awesome.

Maybe I should tell you why she was awesome... In short, because she's real and honest. But what's, more she's absolutely a real gamer. She's tired of answering the 'Girl Gamer" question and Nintendo is a hilarious subject to get her started on. She's still all about the Android Nation and immediately recognized my Nexus for what it was [actually I think she has one too.]. However, I think what makes her even more awesome is the fact that the game she's most looking forward to right now is Fable 3.

I'M looking forward to Fable 3!

She was great though and it was so obvious that the only people that showed up for her Q & A session were gamers that watch G4. Which makes sense, how else would they know enough about her to care?

After the q&a however, she took pictures and gave autographs. I hate staged pictures. Especially ones that include me. So I wont be sharing that one.. But it just so happens that my phone must have been accidentally set to continuously shoot. So when I asked her to sign my phone [yes I like my autographs in random places, just ask M.I.A., she signed my wallet...]

I got this picture!


Just a thought

the El Cid, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So as I sit in the writing room, which is conveniently placed next to one of the many coffee shops on campus, I drink my second large cup of coffee and started to think...

It's common knowledge that people that go to college/university live longer. Many people believe it's because after college these people have a higher quality of life.

However... More and more recent studies have proven that drinking both coffee and alcohol can extend your life.

Interesting, why? I'm fairly certain that coffee and alcohol make up 90% of a college student's diet.

So then, maybe it's not that college graduates lead better live's after school [though this no doubt, may be true and will of course hold bearing]... But that college students simply receive long standing benefits from the things our parents and society generally frown upon.

Our horrible diet.

Just a thought



image, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So... I had a few really great openers swimming in my head all day. Unfortunately, I didn't bother to write any of them down so all you get is this lame explanation.

Moving on...

It's been a while... since I could... hold my head up high... Just Kidding. Does anyone actually remember who sang that song? I bloody hated it so much that I mocked it constantly. Unfortunately, now I can't: say, type or think, It's been a while, without wanting to tack on the rest of that line...

But it has been a while since I've updated this thing, and in that time I've aged a year and started school... Actually, saying that I aged a year seems grammatically incorrect, I think it implies that I was away from the blog for a year and then came back... Thus, aged a year.

It hasn't been that long. So revision time....

My birthday was on the 3rd, [my favoritest person across the pond's birthday was the 2nd] and I turned 23.YAY ME! Oh god, I'm getting old... Just kidding again! Kind of...

Moving on again...

I also started classes [obviously] and I didn't realize how indoctrinated by the journalism program I had become until I enrolled in my first English class in... Christ, 4 years? My professor has asked us to read and summarize different texts. No problem right? Right. Except, I now read and summarize like a journalist major. Anything more then the bare facts is fluff and is to be eliminated.

Naturally, my teacher grades like an English teacher. Meaning, she expects the fluff to be present. Luckily for me, the professor seems really cool and more than willing to work with students with ticks brought on by their major. The second I told her I was a Journalism major she was like, Ah ok... Just make note of that on your paper.

Funnily enough, in that same class we have to interview someone in the field we want to be in and ask questions on what it's like to be in said field... This should have been easy. After all, I'm a Journalism major... So naturally I would interview a journalist, right?

Wrong. I have no idea if I actually want to be a journalist. I'm double majoring in Journalism and Women studies because I love the subject matter. Also because at the very least, I'll be prepared for a career... [Actually, I think I simply like to over complicate things and I'm most likely going to end up working as a journalist]

But getting back to the point... I was wracking my brain for someone who I could interview and be confident in knowing their answers would matter to me when I remembered... I know a self-employed author who also works as an editor! Perfect! All aspects of her life appeal to me. And as luck would have it, [personally, I think it's just that all authors live and breathe flattery and asking to interview her was a form of flattery] she agreed!

So... yeah that was awesome.

Did I mention my birthday just passed? Cause it did...I'm kind of running on empty now so I leave you with song I'm currently spinning...

...On the day that I turned 23,
I was curled up underneath a dogwood tree
When suddenly a girl with skin the color of a pearl
She wandered aimlessly, but she didn't seem to see...

| Blitzen Trapper | Furr


Cult of Less

"Many have begun trading in CD, DVD, and book collections for digital music, movies, and e-books. But this trend in digital technology is now influencing some to get rid of nearly all of their physical possessions - from photographs to furniture to homes altogether."

The BBC article the above photo and excerpt are taken from couldn't be more about me and the way I live my life if they'd called me up for an interview.

For the past two years I have steadily been decreasing the level of things that I own. It started with me simply no longer shopping. After all, what need have I for new things when what I have still suits me fine? It progressed with my increasing belief that people place to much emphasis on the material which led to the total financial break down in 2008 [which is also the time of my burgeoning awareness]. And hit critical awareness when I moved last year. Because while packing I realized I still had for to many things.

One box of trash bags later and I was able to move to my condo in one trip. A bag of clothes I wear regularly, check. My laptop, check. My roommate's old tv from the 70s, check. A box of books, check. My xbox 360, check.
Anything else? Nope.

Moving in, my house looked like that. Only without the bed or the side table. And yet, despite the virtual emptiness of my room and my house... I felt so content.

It was funny. I'd tell people I not only didn't I have a cable, but I also didn't have a tv [I forgot to mention the tv wasn't good for anything but playing my 360 didn't I?]. I'd tell them I didn't have chairs for them to sit or bed. And they'd look at me with such pity, such sadness. And most would say...

We'll help you have furniture in no time!

Not understanding that I was perfectly happy with the state of things.

Perfectly content with my bag full necessities and little else. If my summer of brokeness proved anything else it was this.

Family Reunions

I just had mine yesterday and it was... Interesting.

A collection of awesome, yes I'm still in college, no I'm not in danger of getting pregnant and oh-my-god-what-is-shewearing?!

It's funny.

My family is so oddly gay. I've got an older cousin [as in, in her 50's] whose been with her partner for the past... 10 years or so. Then there's her granddaughter, whom I love so much for being so genuine in all things. She struggled so hard last year with herself, because she was in the process of coming out to herself. She even approached me and called me brave [I felt so proud of me in that moment] And judging by the girlfriend she brought to the family reunion this year... I'd say she's finally come to terms with herself.

Then there's the myriad of female cousins who... I don't know... I think will just sleep with anything that moves. I mean, I have a cousin who has had an alternate gender on her arm for the past 5 family reunions. .. And has 2 small children under 5.

On that score it feels weird for me.

I am... an intensely private person. I am not in the closet, but I similarly don't feel the need to take out ad space in the family gossip memo simply to discuss the nature of my attractions. I don't see the point. Especially since my family holds me in a weird double standard of morality.

However, the ambiguous state of my love life in the eyes of my family seems to lead to me hearing the most insulting things. Or maybe I'm just a sensitive gay?

While playing dominoes with a group of old men and discussing the weather in different cities we've lived in and the state our family hails from... Louisiana... We came to the city of San Francisco. While talking about the weather there, one of the men makes the comment, "I've never been there and I never want to go there! To many of them gays! I don't like that!"

Um... Ok?

Not only are you sitting with a gay, but your step-daughter is a sometimes gay!

But then, that's the problem isn't it? I mean, it's easy to think the worse of gay people when you're step daughter is the kind of woman that leads people to think it's a choice. A sometimes gay.

I can't begin to explain the sometimes gay. And I don't mean someone who identifies as bi. I don't even mean the person who experiments in college. I mean, someone that just give all people a bad name. Gay or straight.

But I digress.... Even if he wasn't fully aware of me being gay, there are enough gay and sometimes gay people in the family that the comment shouldn't have been made.

Other than that however, I did enjoy seeing my cousins... Even the younger girls that were dressed like... well... starts with a W and ends with an e. 5 letter word.

So my family has a thing. A belief, if you will... That children are born in threes. There is never just a single child born to the family. There are always three.

My generation of three consists of two girls and a boy.

We were raised as sisters, grew apart slightly as pre-teen and teenagers, but maintain a distant closeness... If that makes any sense. And it was... well amusing, catching up with her.

As we went through puberty she became one of those girls that was entirely to focused on boys while simultaneously thinking themselves a lot older then they were. Then 6 years ago she started dating a preacher's son.

...lol. Yeah.

I'm fairly certain he's the only reason she hasn't had a baby yet. Making us the only two of our trinity and the trinities immediately surrounding us...that haven't had a child yet.

And I'm a lesbian, so she's doing really well!

Oh well.

Quick rundown: My Grandfather is sick | My Aunt is getting married to man only a couple inches taller then me [and I'm 5'3] on the 29th | My little cousin broke his foot [don't get me started on how]

And I... am strangely feeling all loved up over someone I really shouldn't.

Oh well... part 2.



image, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

A sudden violent change

A cataclysm is what has just occurred in my life.

I suppose you could say what I'm going through is a mild exaggeration. After all, simply loosing a particularly large update does not technically warrant the title cataclysm...

But I'm melodramatic at times and right now, the loss of all those random thought processes put to paper... Or rather, internet as the case may be... Is feeling fairly cataclysmic...

Oh well.

In other news, the dates for next years Coachella has been announced and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely exctited. Because I am. The dates are: April 15 - 17th. At first you'd think I'd feel a little sad that I'd be going back to the scene of the crime. The last place where I apparently committed such crimes against the moral fabric of friendship that I lost one.

However, that would be understating my love for live music and more importantly... Live music in the California desert... And overstating my care for bullshit.


I mean, Come on! It's going to be my 5 year anniversary! All relationships have good and bad moments and I've got a feeling that Coachella is going to pull out all the stops for 2011. Most likely going so far as to recreate the weekend we met by inviting Arcade Fire back to perform.

Of course this is speculation... But all signs are pointing to this eventuality.


In other, non-music related news...

I love the magazine, GameInformer. It's the perfect blend of game review, industry article and commentary. In the 207th issue there was a really well done article on the question of Games as Art in response to Roger Egbert's statement that it was impossible.

Also stemming from the comment is a truly awesome open letter to all gamers and game creators, from Bioshock creator Keven Levine. In the letter, Levine basically takes everyone to task for even caring about what Roger Egbert has to say when it comes to games. Saying that the gaming Industry: from the creators, to the players and the reviewers should hold no weight in what people outside of the industry had to say about games.

After all, Egbert is a movie reviewer... What does he know of games?


In even MORE gaming related news with actual tie-ins to the above... Bioshock Infinity, the third installment in the Bioshock franchise official announced today. However, the announcement came with more than just a few measely game stills.... Oh no, Bioshock Inifinity is introduced to the world by way of a trailer that just leaves one feeling...




M.I.A, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Oh music.

Oh Summer.

Oh my summer of music.

Actually if I'm being honest, every summer since 2007 has been a summer of music. Usually this manifests itself in the form of my hitting up as many different music festivals as possible. While I was still living in LA full time, it manifested in me hitting up as many music festivals as possible as well as all but living in West Hollywood and Santa Monica. Why those places? That's where all the best local venues are.

However, as is well documented... This has also been my summer of no money, less internet and rapidly depleting time.

Not that I'm complaining.

But all of this together led to a situation where I was unable to get the music on or before the release date. I say all that to say: I just got M.I.A.'s latest and album... and Holy Chick, Batman!

I dig it. No... I Lovalot.

This album is wall to wall. And in a sense, I feel redeems her. Not that I didn't like Kala... But let's be honest, it was no Arular. Listening to this album takes me back to the Echoplex.

And for good reason.

This is a club dance album.

Arular and Kala both had insanely big beat and insanely catchy lines... Just all around suitable for festival crowd dancing, with huge festival speakers. But /\/\ /\ Y /\ , just sounds like it would be lost and washed away in a setting such as that. This is a up close and personal, small quarters dancing kind of album.

This is a club tour/small venue kind of album. And I hope she does it.


Leo, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's come to my attention that most of my favorite people have been born in July, August, and September.

If I were to be more exact, [at the risk of sounding like I actually hold weight in these things] I'd say that of those 3 months, most of my favorite people have been Leo or Virgo.

Ignoring the astrological side of things, I do have to wonder why that is. Is it the nature of being born in the summer months? Do we mind meld better? Have a better understanding of how each other thinks? If all things are connected [in the scientific sense, everyone can ponder that further to suit their own religious ideals] are we somehow more connected, because the environmental conditions would be similar around our births?

Wait, hold on. Stop.

I just blew those last couple of reasons and probably completely destabilized my whole line of thinking.


Well, I seriously doubt environmental conditions are all that similar across continents.

So let's just abandon those ponderous thoughts to our own individual ideas on life.


In other news, I've been thinking.... And it hurt.

Just kidding.

Seriously though, isn't it fascinating when you discover your own personal things? You know, those odd habits you have that are just... Well random, but upon closer look you realize that you can't bring yourself to change those habits?

Actually... I just realized that the minor idiosyncrasies that I find amusing in my life are actually minor signs of ocd...


Oh well.

"Just inhale... inhale, inhale...Inhale... Just inhale, inhale.... Exhale" | Inhale Remix | Soul Position


Playground of Love

This has been a summer of consistent challenges for me.

For the most part, I'd like to say I've been winning. But everyone has a moment of critical mass. The moment when you stop, truly look at your situation and feel overwhelmed.

The moment you get once you look around yourself, and you just have to ask whether you're truly accomplishing anything... Truly doing your best, surviving...

And if your like me, being forced to ask for help feels a lot like failure.

So today when I realized that I needed to ask for help, and had no immediate means to do so.. Meaning that I had to ask random neighbors to use their phone... Well...

Let's just say after the phone call there was a very cinematic break down involving me closing my front door, sliding down it and crying in frustration.

It was frustrating. But once it was over I realized quite a bit. After all, how fortunate am I to be able to call for help and immediately receive it?

Also, I realized that for all the talk of banking reform... It's still completely archaic. It's very easy to understand how quickly a person's life can be changed due to situations beyond their control. A person can go from a steady job, paying bills on time and having a nice nest egg in their savings account... To... Suddenly being without a job, bills automatically coming out of an empty account, and your bank calling to let you know that no matter how loyal you'd been in the past... Your single month of misfortune would soon be haunting you for the next 7 years.

Just... Crazy.

I read an article not to long ago that stated business that were hiring were not looking at the unemployed. Operating under the 'blame the victim' mentality. Saying that, the unemployed were that way for a reason. So they dedicate their time to stealing employed workers. While the unemployed fall deeper into debt.

How sad.

So I was thinking... I want to be self sufficient. Yes, I can accept that asking for help isn't a sin. However, I also accept that Money, while not the root of all evil... Is the means in which lives are built and destroyed.

Navigating life is such a curiously hard thing at times. I'll be 23 soon. I'm getting older, and yet my level of understanding of the world at large is ever changing. I wonder if I'll ever get it.


Skull, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Long walks on the beach...


Just kidding.

No really though... My newest hobby is one born out necessity. Actually I'm not even sure it counts as a hobby...What is a hobby anyway? I mean, what counts under the official header of the word?

Let's pause while I open a new tab and ask the almighty Google that question...

So Ok.. Google, got crazy technical with the first definition.

Hobby: [a]avocation: an auxiliary activity. [b] A hobby is an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, often in one's spare time.

Ah, the second definition is the winner. But more importantly, it affirms my original thought... I have a new hobby.

What is this new hobby? I hear you ask... Simple really. My new hobby involves me waiting until the sun has stopped torturing the Earth with it's obnoxious Summer heat... And then waiting a little longer, depending on what I'm doing when the sun finally goes down... Walking to Starbucks, and freeloading off of their internet for 2 to 3 hours.

It's really quite nice.

It combines a few of my favorite things into one. Night - Cold Weather - and the information overload known commonly as - the Internet.

Once again I must state: Yes. I am a geek.

Actually I'm about to confirm that a little more and make myself sound truly said... In the past 3 weeks I've played Mass Effect twice and have started my 3rd playthrough on the Veteran setting [I'm going for 100% Achievement completion]... Read 3 books with a 250 page minimum... And added to a new story in single sentence increments...

Actually... That just makes me sad.


Oh well.


Love Long

Eye, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Is this...

Wait no it couldn't be...

An update!?

Yes, Yes I know. The tales of my demise were woefully exaggerated! So here i sit at a Starbucks patio, listening to the Gossip [a band I can thank Coachella and an ex friend for convincing me to finally give them a chance] and I had the sudden urge to blog.

But about what? That status of my life? And update on the financial situation I find myself? Weather in Sacramento?

Why not all of the above?

So here we go... Life is... Interesting. As always it is a series of ups and downs. Greetings and goodbyes. Music and Books. And games I once thought horribly frustrating only to discover first impressions are not always the best.

After my 2 week stay in Long Beach I once again returned to Sacramento to discover the weather was exactly as I feared. Triple digits with no real respite at night. It was like being at Co-a-chella with out the pay off of live music. But I survived.


Sorry. But alas, the weather today is so... pleasant. It's hard to believe I'm still in Sac. And as for the money situation... lol. Yeah. Let's just say,I made the impossible possible. Even if all of the comforts have been cut out to make it happen. Wifi at home? Gone. Copious amounts of coffee at home? Don't think so. Money in the bank? Literally negative.

But food in the fridge? Yep.

On the music front, I've always known that I liked Tori Amos. I just never ventured past the point of knowing to having... That is until I rediscovered Happy Phantom and knew without a doubt that I NEEDED to own that album. I by need, I do mean need, that song makes me Happy. Which is fitting... You know, because of the name.

Books... I was gifted one by another SGI member and I'm eternally grateful. Any book lover knows that to be given a loved book from another book lover is about the highest form of flattery. After all, book lovers love their books. It's doubly amazing when the book you've been given has been out of print for 20 years and is in perfect condition.

Needless to say, I can't wait to really bury myself in it's theoretical goodness.

Finally games... Games... Xbox 360... How I love you. When Mass Effect first came out, it was given to me as a Christmas present by a really good friend of mine. Unfortunately, at the time I had the attention span of a gnat fly and the patience of a toddler. Needless to say, I wasn't digging the scifi rpg. But that was then. And now? That game has entered the Pantheon of Bioshock and Fable II to become one of my favorites. [Speaking of games.. OMFG I CAN'T WAIT FOR FABLE III[/endgeekout] ]

Yes I know.... short list. But I'm picky in all things.

And... That's it. I've exhausted my list of updates and now I'll resume my usual programming.

We're not droplets in the ocean.... I want the truth | Unnatural Selection | Muse



Narrow, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

In time, I will forget what was originally posted here. Until then I know for the greater utility it most be hidden, from view and wiped from existence 



Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil

Money | Pink Floyd

Money.... Is currently on the mind. Why? Because though I always intend to manage it correctly, I always screw up in the end

Because, ha ha! I'm broke. Good news, my landlord is willing to let me pay August and Seotember's rent at the same time on September 1st. But in the meantime: I've got 34 dollars, my roommate has moved out and discontinued our utilities and I can't afford to get it turned back on...

All and all goodtimes.

I have to believe things will work out, even if I'm not sure how



Window, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Today is the day of rapid fire posts.


Because I woke up before 8am.

Meaning: I've already had a few cups of coffee [one unbelievably good latte, but we've already gone over that], taken a few pictures, updated my blog AND watched the same old lady try to hustle 2 different groups of people [on 2 different blocks]

And I'm now.

Well, by bored I mean... Well... bored.

Which leads me to the conclusion that night owls are not meant to be awake in the early morning. And yes, 8 am is early morning for an owl. And by awake, I mean, they should not be waking up so early.

Going to sleep at 8 am is still a perfectly acceptable occurrence .

But now the boredom ends and the roadtrip begins.

Until next time


Beat, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat... With a baseball bat!
Oh yeah, oh yeah...
Oh oooh....

Beat on the Brat | The Ramones

I am once again in the cafe called Sipology.

Sip-ol-ogy: [noun] : A cafe that makes unbelievably good latte's | [verb] the process of drinking an unbelievably good latte from Sipology.

So ok, the definitions are mine, but this place is amazing. And yet another reason to love Long Beach. Call me biased [which I'm sure you will] but the hidden gems here are amazing. I'm willing to put Long Beach a notch above downtown la for the shear gayness of the city. Which is cool.

Cause I'm a little gay girl.

Speaking of little gay girls... I've been trying to hold off blogging about this. Because hope springs eternal that I'll soon be a taken little gay girl. At which point, it would be highly embarrassing if she read this... But alas...

I met someone.

And she's... older. [like always]. Taller than me [barely]. Lives in San Francisco [an hour away]. And asked for my number & email [gave me hers as well].

So yeah... we talked for about 8 hours straight about... Music, politics, randomness... and it was great in a big way. And she was my type in a big unidentifiable way... [I can never describe my type when asked, but I always know it when I see it...]

So... yeah... all good, right?

The Truth | You have to love a cafe that plays | Handsome Boy Modeling School


The City

Sipology, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

There are so many songs about Long Beach and in a way, all of them fall short.

So I've been meaning to update this thing for a while; however, it's been hard. Not hard in the sense that my fingers were broken or something equally impossible [because, ouch]. No. Mainly, I just needed to digest and adjust. I needed change.

So I went and got a job. But then I realized, canvasing in triple digit weather wouldn't be fun. So I decided to head down to Long Beach.

I got in Saturday morning and as soon I stepped off the train and felt the cool beach weather, with the scenery the perfect blend of gritty grossness and local awesome... I knew it was a great idea.

Truly, Long Beach is a city of of vivid colors, tattoos, rainbows, and... well to a very small degree yuppies. But they've only managed to take over a single street. This is a city of the people. A city of good times cleverly hidden in plain view, as the passing tourist not from around would miss most of it's gems.

They say the freaks come out at night. But here, they just come out.

And damn, it's good to be back.


Snide, Smug, Rude, Fake

Coachella Campgrounds, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Me, apparently.

The title I originally planned for this post was: Crisis of Faith

I've lashed out and now feel as childish, as the spirit in which the words were given to me. But it doesn't change the fact that I'd like to lash out more.

What bothers me the most, is that I continuously operate under the assumption that when there is a problem, people will talk them through like adults. Or rather, when there is a problem, people will speak up.

And yet, the opposite is the truth that holds. When there is a problem, people will run away like children while quietly calling names.

Snide. Smug. Rude. Fake.

Me, apparently.

Jaded to friendship.

Me, definitely.


edit: It's funny, but I was sitting here trying to become less pissed when Quiet Dog, Bite Hard by Mos Def started playing on my iTunes shuffle.

One thing I want to assure them

If they think I'm going to change.

Or compromise my attitude and my way of life

In my expression or in my goal

What's politics?

They're making me stronger.

And I'm much stronger now.


I've decided this wont affect my outlook on life. If I've learned anything in my practice it's that the only person I have control over is me. I held onto this friendship much longer then I should have. It's funny, because at the beginning of the friendship the ending was foreshadowed. Multiple times in fact. Last year, I should have headed the warnings and let it go. Foolishly I thought I needed it. Foolishly, I thought moving forward we would be more inclined to talk through our problems. I was wrong, and that's okay. It wasn't the first time and it wont be the last.

I don't know, in the long run... it'll be all good.



Welcome to Coachella, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Tip toeing through the used condoms...
Strewn on the piers off the west side high way,
Sunset behind the skyline of jersey
Walking towards the water with a fetus holding court,
In my gut,
My body highjacked,
My tits swollen
And sore...

The River has more colors at sunset
Then my sock drawer ever dreamed of
I can wake up screaming sometimes, but
I dont.
I could step off that news pier but I've got shit to do
At unemployment on Tuesday
To shed uninvited blood
And tissue, neh
Blood and Strife

The unwritten rap at the end of Coming Up by Ani DiFranco

Just thought I'd share that with you all. Why? Because....BITCH I MIGHT BE!

In other news, I almost want to change the title of today's post. After all, that's a great title that shouldn't be wasted on the nonsense that is... this. Oh well. I am now listening to Centrifuge by Pomplamoose.

Have I hyped these two yet? I feel like I have... But maybe I haven't. And since I'm really grooving [not really, I'm just laying here... but on the inside... oh by watch out for my moves] to this song. And I really think you all should get a taste of the duo I so enjoy... So check them out! I'd say they sound like the Bird and the Bee. But they don't. I'd say they remind me of the Bird and the Bee. And they do. How that works? I'm not exactly sure. It could be because of the fact that it's a boy girl duo... Or could simply be that there's an underlying vibe that they both share.

Yeah... I'm going to go with that last sentence

Speaking of the Bird and the Bee... If you haven't heard of them yet, please go educate yourself now. Start with the self titled album. Why? Because that's where you can find the songs, Fucking Boyfriend and Again and Again. Then check out the eps Please Clap Your Hands and One To Many Hearts. For Please Clap Your Hands, the songs to look for are Polite Dance Song and So You Say. On One to Many Hearts, you want Last Day of Our Love. And after you've caught yourself up on there back catalogue, get their latest album: Ray Guns Are the Future.

Hmm... Should I just make a mixtape download for you all?


Things I Learned Today

IMG_4646, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's been a while since I've done a "Things I learned Today" post, so while editing this post I realized it was time. My original title was... trite. Not on purpose, just well... trite. I've come to some realizations in the few hours that I've been awake. And really, the fact that I've literally only been awake a few hour is a realization in itself. I went from: absolutely no sleep for the 40 hours connecting Monday - Tuesday; to sleeping long into Wednesday before going to a meeting; waking up early and being insanely productive by 2pm Thursday; to... just waking up a few hours ago on Friday. It's 3:27pm. And by a few hours I'm exaggerating the fact it's been about 2 and half hours only.

Yeah... as I'm sure is abundantly obvious at this point, I've got a sleeping problem. At which point, the problem is that I don't. And when I do, my body tries to over compensate. It's troublesome. Lack of sleep makes everything feel do or die, while simultaneously feeling like a high zombie that simply lacks all desire to move.

Heh. High Zombie... "BRAAAAAAAAAAINS! Uh... could you come to me brains? I think the couch is trying to swallow me... Oh.... Is the room spinning?"

In the meantime, the list.

1. I Need A New Coffee Machine.

  • The one I have was useless when my mom gave it to me... wow 4 years ago. I kept it for sentimental value but... It's time for me to get real. My mom knew how addicted I was to coffee and she'd never want me to suffer through consistently meager cups of coffee out of some misplaced since of sentiment.

2. I need to finish filling out my fafsa information.
  • And really, I do. It's already late, but for some reason I'm dragging my feet on the final step which is simply submitting a few lines saying "My Situation Has Not Changed." It's always the little things that I simply do not want to do.

3. I need to let go.
  • I've never enjoyed the chase. It's not about the thrill of persistency and I've seen the kind of person you can become when you are constantly reaching out to people that do not reach back. It's a road that only has hurt on the other end. A road, I vowed early in life never to follow. So what do you do? What do I do? I move on.

No bye. No Aloha


Well met.

.su, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity...

The Second Coming | William Butler Yeats

I'm very fortunate to have met so many amazing people in my life at only 22. Actually, I feel amazing is the wrong word. I'm very fortunate to have met so many people that have opened my mind to so many different paths of.... No that's wrong as well.

I am very fortunate. To have met. The people that have made me who I am.

I don't mean family, though they have shaped me significantly. But I mean, the people who make lasting impressions even if the time they spend actually present in your life is fleeting.

My favorite poem is the The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats, the excerpt above is the first stanza. And as a friend and fellow Buddhist leader left my house just now, the line " Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.." came into mind... Even while I still had a smile on my face. And it was ironic, that this, my favorite line in my favorite poem... Would be so bleak and in such direct contrast to my belief in my faith that is... "No matter what, it will work out."

And this lead me to think about the many people in my life that have shaped my views on life... My AP lit professor who first introduced me to Yeats, by way of the book; Things Fall Apart. My different philosophy professors... my friend in Germany... the strangers I've met in my travels and yet had such great conversations on life with... My comrades in faith...

I'm not sure why, my line of thinking was such as it does not directly follow. However, perhaps it was simply that in that moment that I watched her leave and I reflected on: that poem, myself, and my beliefs... I felt so utterly centered in the core of things. The greater scheme, if you will... That I couldn't help but be grateful to the people who'd helped me to this point.

Truly. At times I feel like such a horrible person, as it is... so difficult for me to stay connected even though I do care so much... And I guess in those moments of binary, all I could think was...

Well met.

Anonymous Glory

Groove Salad.

While I'd like to take the claim for creating the phrase, it belongs to the people over at SomaFM. Groove Salad is the name of the station I'm currently listening to, and judging by what I've been hearing so far it's mostly chill beats, ambient, and trip hop. I dig it. What's more, it matches so perfectly to the mood I find myself in at 6:40 in the morning after an unironically sleepless night it's crazy.

It's funny. In a kind of, kind of way. Usually when I wake up I need silence for a couple of hours. Complete silence. With noise coming from nothing, including me. I like to slowly enter awareness; to ease into the day seamlessly by integrating sound only after my buffer period of quiet has ended naturally by chance.

However, on days or rather mornings, like this one... When I've watched my window darken through to night only to slowly phase through the colors of early morning... I find music to be the perfect accompany to the mood I usually find myself in.

But what I always find interesting, or pleasant, or random... Or whatever unnamed word of description that matches best... Is when by chance, I press play my on my iTunes player that is chronically shuffled... Or like today [this morning that is], when I stumble upon an internet radio station and press play to the channel that draws me by name...

And find the music selection so tailor made to how I feel... So perfectly appropriate that I think... This is why I love music. Because I live it. It regulates my heartbeat and determines my moods. It hits my system harder then any drug could ever hope to...

And I think, if I cannot have sleep... At least I have this.

"You know, it just might be this anonymous glory... of all things"


Choose Privacy

Choose Privacy Week Video from 20K Films on Vimeo.

Simply put, the ALA are a group of badasses and it gives me comfort to know the library... My first external escape, is being guarded so fiercely.

I remember when the Patriot Act first got put into place and I remember going into libraries and seeing the signs. Reading the articles from pissed off librarians and watching as they got called all manner of names during the, 'You're either a Patriot: And by patriot we mean you give us all of your information and all of everybody else's.... Or your a terrorist' And yet through it all, librarians stayed true. They did what journalists didn't do. And for that they have my respect and should have yours as well.

Do watch the video.

"Have they lost their heads or are they just all blind mice?"
Tragic Kingdom


What Dreams

eye, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

May come | or | Dream a little dream.

Funny, when I think about movies with 'Dream' in the title only these two come to mind. Furthering the funny, Dream a Little Dream one of my favorite 80s movies probably more so then all of Molly Ringwalds...Came out in 1989. What Dreams May Come came out in 1998.

Coincidence? More then likely.

However, I didn't wake up with the intent to talk about movie titles. The titles are merely an after effect or rather cause made by the dreams I've been having lately.

I've been dreaming lately. Which, if I'm being honest isn't really new. However, my dreams have been more... confused. Not in the sense that I wake up can not remember what I dreamed about... Or at least not on most days. But confused in the emotion they involve. They've become both disturbing in a nightmarish quality I haven't fully experienced since I was young... And, ok I'll put it frankly romantic. And no I don't mean sexy time. I mean, romantic. Which is a problem in itself. The woman I saw last night was a mash up of a new friend and a random woman I encountered at Coachella.

But the dreams are ccnfused. One portion of the dream involves me in some hellish setting. The other, I guess you could say once I'm 'free' involves a girl. Sometimes the two portions meld. Offering bits of both during both. Last night was a bit of a meld.

I'm a buddhist. However, I've been stressed lately and not practicing as much as I should. Last night's horror part of the story will seem exceedingly strange and unlikely. But I dreamed that I was in a supermarket... |Actually I just realized this was my second dream after waking up briefly. The first one was completely disturbing with no respite of romance or friendship|... with my little sister. And while shopping we passed a group of people actually cooking a full meal. Like a massive holiday dinner type meal. It was annoying because they were blocking the aisle , but they seemed nice so I tried to move on. They offered something to my little sister and she became instantly brainwashed.

Weird, I know whatever. But see, these people were part of the Priesthood. Or for some reason I want to say the priesthood, they may not have been. I think they were just another Nichiren Daishonin offshoot. And they chanted "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo."

For some reason the sound of them chanting incorrectly was terrifying. So I ran. While running I ran into a woman, it was only for a second. A brief respite from the terror, then I was running and dodging again. I don't remember how I got them to stop exactly. I think I shouted, "I'M A BUDDHIST TOO! But you're saying it wrong! It's Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo"

And it was over. Or the terrifying part was. Then I was asking around the supermarket for the woman, and right as I was about to leave she comes out of her office. She smiles and we leave the supermarket while talking and flirting. That's pretty much the rest of the dream summed up. However the world when we left the store... Or rather the landscape was very Mad Max-ish just, barren with very little green.

I don't know... To much stress makes dreams and odd world.


Born Free

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

I know, I know... Still no Coachella 2010 recap! Actually I'm pretty positive you guys are glad about that. I mean, can I wax on or what?

Well I'm sorry if music excites me.

And right now, nothing is exciting me more then the fact that it appears that M.I.A. is back. Clearly, the above video is well, a video and not a photo that I've taken. Well this is a music video [actually I hesitate to call it a music video. Let's call it a mini movie.] Directed by Romain Gavras. In this video, M.I.A.'s first song off of her still untitled and yet to be released newest album called, Born Free.

Now there's much discussion going on about this video. Some are calling it to violent. Some say that it's to sensationalized. Some are going so far as to call M.I.A. a hypocrite.

My take, if you haven't already cottened on... I think it's about time M.I.A. went back to talking politics in her music instead of doing over produced singles with Timbaland. This video speaks to what's going on in the world by bringing proximity. People are saying that this video makes M.I.A. a hypocrite because of how violent it is when she speaks non violence. But more then non-violence, M.I.A. wants people to be aware. And in this video if you substitute the red-heads for any sub-group in existence today, it would show reality.

Honestly, the only way this video could be MORE real is if she used an actual clip of what most would consider 'war crimes' and yet are becoming more and more common practice.

Some people took an overly literal take of this video and said this video is anti-American. However, if you take the cops [or military] in the video and give them accents... They could be any super power in the world. If you dress them differently, they could be any 'terrorist' group in the world.

My opinion? This video is a super shiny mirror. And a lot of people are disturbed by what they see.


Random Thoughts Before Bed

Coachella Campgrounds, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Isn't it amazing how after seeing a band live just the thought of the experience instantly transplants you back there?

For example, just now I was outside and I started thinking about Muse while standing outside. And just like that, I'm back in the Polo fields dancing to the Resistance with thousands of other strangers. And the awesome thing about that is, that experience will always be with me. Whenever I hear their music my mind will always instantly go back to the Polo fields.

And just as I was listening to the music that only I could hear, dancing with the feel of grass on my feet still very much there... And just like that, the beginning of the song "No Such Thing" by John Mayer pops in my head.

Opening chords leading into, "WELCOME to the real world she said to me...."

It was crazy. Because at first I had to pause. How did I go from Muse's Resistance to John Mayer's No Such Thing?

However, as I continued to think about it became increasingly apparent. And really, it came to me quickly.

I had a conversation with some of my neighbors at Coachella about this.

Experiences are forever. Money, status, degrees? Sure they could last. But on your death bed, which would you rather have? A bank full of money or a lifetime of amazing memories?

For me, the answer is easy. I want to be rich in experience. I want enough money to get by, anything more is an extra bonus.

And in the meantime, I'll keep dancing to the music only I can hear.



IMG_3560, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Coachella is 7 Days away and I have no idea how to properly put to words how I feel.

After all, the Coachella Music and Arts Festival is much more then a music festival. It's an experience. And describing an experience is a bit like describing a mirage. It'll never be quite like the brilliance you see.

And how could it? How could I explain the experience of listening to the bands that will play Coachella, knowing that soon I'll be experiencing it live? How can I explain the feeling of driving past the windmills, knowing that you're almost there? How can I explain the utter brilliance of standing in the campgrounds at sunset, looking around and seeing flags from every country imaginable and knowing everyone there is feeling the same thing? How exactly I describe restless excitement of coming home? Where music reigns supreme and everyone around you simply gets it?

Because, for those like me... The Campers, the die-hards, the people that attend rain or shine, no matter the tragedy experienced through out the rest of the year... Coachella is a breath of fresh air. A moment of sanity in a world of chaos. It's 3 days of music and 4 Days of celebration. A haven.

And just, how does one explain all that?


Opinion Writer vs Professional Blogger

IMG_4684, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Are they equal in worth despite the fact that one is getting paid quite a bit while the other writes out of a labor of love?

According to Paul Carr, a man and writer who will now forever [in my mind] be known as the disgruntled Tech Crunch BLOGGER [though I'm fairly certain he prefers the term writer-with-a-published-book-under-my-belt]... The answer is: Absolutely NOT.

NSFW: Jimmy Wales Wants Me Dead

Is the article I'm referencing, and before you ask... NSFW, is apparently the title of Carr's blog... Excuse me, column that just so happens to only be published online.... on a tech blog

First things first, I have to say... I have so many problems with this "article" it's a little ridiculous. Secondly, I'm not sure, but I'm fairly certain that "The Neutrality of this article..." was added after it was originally posted as a disclaimer. [I also find it interesting that the article's url now has marked-for-deletion at the end]

Jimmy Wales is the founder and creator of Wikipedia. Apparently, he made this statement:

“I don’t see the added value [of opinion columnists] and question whether a newspaper should be paying large sums of money for them anymore… The best of the political bloggers are easily the equal of the opinion columnists at the New York Times.” The section in brackets was added by Carr.

And that has offended Paul Carr to the point where he ridiculously named his article, "Jimmy Wales Wants Me Dead." And proceeds to snark about Jimmy's nickname. Which in my opinion, proves Jimbo right.

What purpose do big name Opinion writers serve? They give you their opinion. What purpose do the best political bloggers serve? They give you their opinion. What is the difference between the two beyond the pay check? The blogger doesn't have to answer to an editor with a bottom line and a big wig owner.

In my opnion, which is that of a Journalist major who has spoken to quite a few notable people in the field, the future of reporting is headed increasingly to the web. To journalists creating personal blogs where they impart opinion without being fettered by gatekeepers. Does their degree in journalism diminish in value because they now run a blog? Do you have to have major in journalism in order to be considered a blogger of worth?

According to Carr, the answer is yes. According to the majority of the commenters of this article, Carr is being unreasonably anti.

But don't take my word for it. Read the article and let me know. You may have an alternate view point and I'd love to hear it. And unlike Carr, I promise not to make a separate post to bash your opinion and make fun of your name.