Have fun tonight/tomorrow!
I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where the air is pure and clean.
I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where I can hear my dreams crash into me.
Oceanside | Angels of Light & Akron/Family
I do not intend to end 2010 with a melancholy post. However, 2010 is the year of the Rabbit. Something I will share with my Father. As such, I must be honest with myself and my emotions. I must embrace old pain as I prepare for a year I'm determined to be better than the one before. Truly, I must win in this year, as it is my year more than most.
This coming March it will be 4 years. And still, gospel music is something I hide from. Both comforted by the memories they evoke and incredibly pained.
I was sitting in the living room only a few moments ago when I heard a familiar song drift through the house from the television my grandmother as has once again allowed to watch her sleep. And suddenly my emotions become to much. The song became to much.
I turned on my music to hide and drown out the song and the memories it brought. But the damage was done.
The emotions had come.
So instead I write them down. I share them with words as I never could with voice. In some respect...I grasp at the memories as fiercely as I wish to cast them aside.
But in the end we are merely a collection of our past memories and our present actions as we move on. In less than 24 hours the year begins again. And like Janus, I will open another door.
Only time will tell what new experiences it will hold.
As in, she has gone to gadget heaven and it's time for me to move on. Simple enough as I'd been cheating on her for almost a year with my new love: Nexus One.
That's not to say I didn't love her anymore. I did. I mean, sure... I was no longer technically in- love with her anymore... But one doesn't just have a 3 year relationship end without some feelings of remorse and loss. After all, 3 years can hold quite a few memories of good times.
However, just as the sun will rise, so to will it set. And it has finally set on my Apple flavored lifeline.
I'll admit, this relationship ends with a few bitter feelings. After all... When I was with Creative they never died on me!
But really, my iPods death was just a formality. The final nail in the coffin that was our relationship.
I'd moved on. There was a new gadget in my life that did all that I asked for and more...
So on this day... December 29th, 2010... I say goodbye. May you enjoy the Apple-afterlife on the Island of Forgotten Toys
In my moment of introspective silence... I play:
The Way The Wind Blows | A Hawk and a Hack Saw
So as I sit here between 5th and 4th st train station, waiting to return to my final destination I had one true thought before I pulled my laptop out to type this...
My dad would not be pleased.
But in other news... My music is playing and the songs are switching making me feel a little... scatterbrained I guess. Because with every song change my mood changes to match the song. It's crazy.
We went to see the Tourist today though. And to put it simply... Brilliant. Though, you should definitely quantify that by the fact that it had Johnny Depp AND Angelina Jolie in the film. The film crew would have had to work really hard to mess up that combination.
But today was interesting with a dash... Well a very large dose of funny. And not in my, life is funny kind of way. Nope, in a pure wry small or small giggle I wont repeat anything... kind of way.
It was nice.
But the train is coming 'round the mountain and my computer is about to die, so that's it for today.
However, it's safe to say that I've definitely met my quota of blog posts for the year... Not that I'm ready to hang up the hat for the year yet
You're so beautiful... | Blink 182 | Going Away to College
...That ends well.
So I went to my step-father's, step-father's girlfriend's [would that make her my step-grandmother?] house for Christmas... lunch, I suppose you could call it. And it was...
For multiple reasons, but the main being simply... I wasn't with what I would consider family, and even though the people were pleasant, they were a little too pleasant. Almost immediately after stepping into the huge house in Hollywood my only thought was...
This was a mistake! I need to get back home to my granny...
I mean, it was honestly like walking into hell... Also known as suburbia, and I couldn't handle it. I didn't breathe properly until we left again.
But other than that... My little brother got a Kinect for Christmas [Yes, he's spoiled.] And all I can say is... If you were even passingly thinking about buying it... Do so.
It. Is. Insanely. fun
We played Kinect Adventures for at least an hour and a half and it was just so intuitive... It makes you wonder how Sony and Nintendo intend to compete with such a solid and all around awesome console.
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
It's officially Christmas here in California and I can only assume Santa is still making his rounds. It's Christmas. Both my 23rd and my 2nd.
Both my favorite and, well...
It's Christmas. Kissmas. And I hope everyone who comes across this post fully enjoys it. For me, and anyone else who will go with through the day experiencing waring emotions like a pregnant woman in the heart of her pregnancy.
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
...Than you like me
So the rain has finally stopped and for the first time in weeks, I see the sun.
Now if I were telling you this story in person I might have paused to break out in song... You know the really annoying one from the 90s?
I saw the sun.. It opened up my life! I saw the sun...
Yeah... Not nearly as funny through text, but if you went to my private elementary school you to would cringe at the memory. Why? You ask. Well... Let's put it this way...
A group of girls, that would sing that horrible song on loop. Actually now that I think about... I think they only say that small portion of the song... Which is probably why 18 years later it still torments me.
But like I said, the sun is out. Or rather, was out. Because at 4:21 pm, there's only a good 30 to 40 minutes left of sun, if that.
However, the respite was welcome. Even if it literally is only a brief one, considering it's expected to rain on Sunday.
In other news, for some reason I've been living through this week expecting Christmas to be on Friday. Yeah... apparently not. But that's what happens when you don't watch tv, abstain from the internet for extended periods of time and get multiple shocks dropped on you within a short period of time.
Despite it all, this has been a relatively tame week. Sure there have been bouts of... Over emotional stimulation, but it's the holidays. Who isn't being over stimulated?
Really, I just think we all needed a little bit of sun. Or perhaps the need was felt only by me... I'd say it's like moving from a space station to a place on earth where it's dark 90 percent of the year... You need to see the sun before you can feel like you've come home.
It's all rather interesting.
What you do to me... No one knows | Queens of the Stone Age | No One Knows
But to begin: My father is moving to Florida.
Why is he moving to Florida? Love. While I was mildly upset about this yesterday when I found out, today, I can only be amused by it all.
Why? This woman sounds perfect for my father. She has three boys apparently and they sound wildly fascinating. And to top it all off, I'm apparently not only invited to visit whenever I want... There willing to buy the ticket.
Now, don't get me wrong... I haven't met this woman yet and I haven't talked to her either. Also, most women that enter my father's life tend to see me as a means to earn brownie points with my father. Which immediately ensures that I'll never respect them.
This time feels different, however. And while it's a little disappointing that he's moving to the penis of America... [Yes, that is what I lovingly call Florida...] It's kind of cool that I have a finally have a reason to give Florida another chance... [I'm looking at you childhood vacation to Disneyworld that consisted of non stop rain]
It's funny. The more I think about this the more excited I get. I really hope this works out. After all, my dad isn't getting any younger.... And if he can find someone... Maybe there's hope for me to?
lol. Just kidding... maybe
Funnily enough, in the space of a few blinks and couple clicks of the mouse, I've completely forgotten what I wanted to blog about...
However, the gist of m subject matter remains.... Perceptions.
For the past few days I've gone to sleep with two rather insistent plot bunnies attacking my brain. Finally last night [or morning, it was 2 am] I propped open my laptop and wrote a few paragraphs.
After getting the opening scene done, I closed my computer and went to sleep with a feeling of contentment... Finally at ease in the knowledge that I would not fall asleep and forget the plot.
On awaking this morning, I once again plugged in my laptop.. Turned on some music and set about revision and addition. However, I was almost immediately faced with two problems.
While I was sleeping a single plot bunny divided itself in two. On one hand, the story was started in first person... On the other, to tell the story fuller I started to feel it needed to be in third. What to do?
Well, first things first, I pressed shuffle on my itunes. I'd grown tired of the New Young Pony Club. Then I made myself some [intensely horrible, but my only option... instant] coffee and let my mind wonder.
Thirty minutes later and a temporary solution had come to me. Feeling rejuvenated, I write the next few lines of dialogue and emotion. And on a whim... Or rather, while not focusing on the actual words of the story, I look at the word count...
When reading stories online you rarely even blink for a story that's less then a 1000 words, let alone less then half of that. Going further, if a writer were to update a chaptered story with barely 408 words they'd be looking at at least one flame in retaliation...
And yet, while actually writing the story... 408 words can feel like a small victory.
And so the title of this post: Perceptions.
I just thought it interesting.
I'd rather be lonely then happy with somebody else... | Love Me or Leave Me | Nina Simone
Go away... Come again another day...
So maybe it's because I'm from a city that considered rain such a foreign phenomenon that people born and raised there still have no idea how to drive in it...
Or maybe it's because I was cutest little tomboy you could imagine as a little person [Yeah, I know I have modesty down in spades...]
But whatever the reason, I loved the rain. Still do, however, when I was younger it wasn't so much that actual rain that I love... But the critters it always left behind.
Yep! I was that girl. The one eager to get outside after it rained so I could pick up earthworms, count the slugs with the boys, and attempt to jump over puddles wider then I was tall.
I loved it.
Which... Is a little ironic, because now I step out on the porch on my porch and cringe when not only are there snails and worms, but slugs as well!
Where once there was a fascination tinged with the excitement of the forbidden [because girls do not pick up snails and carry them around...] Now there is only a subtle grossness.
However, while I've shed that aspect of my inner little boy... I still love the rain. And yes... I know that statement is in direct contrast to my last post where I complained about how wet it is in LA.
But alas... It's all good. Bugs and all
It's raining, it's pouring... The old man is snoring... He went to bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning...
So of course it only made sense that today, the universe decided to show me just how funny it can be. So let's begin:
Life is funny sometimes... In a not kind of way.
Reason number one: It's raining in LA... RAINING! I just left rain! I expected SUN and heat and... You know... NOT RAIN!
Anéwé.... [french joke]
Reason number two, three and four: And really, I have no idea how to even go about articulating this one... So I'll explain from the beginning...I went on a Best Friend Date today... [You know, like... a Bromance, but with out the bro or the lack of intelligence]. We went to our [formally favorite] Barnes & Noble, expecting: good coffee, better magazines and amazing books...
Almost immediately we go for coffee [as that's always the first step.] And my coffee was obnoxiously bad. I mean, beyond the pale. To be clear, it's the coffee you serve someone right before you break up with a person and tell them you never liked them anyway...
Then, after I get a comped Americano [like I said... I wasn't drinking that coffee] I make my way to the magazine racks only to discover my three favorite magazines just aren't being carried anymore.
Which magazines? You ask. Good, Mojo, and Juxtapose.
Now thoroughly off my game, I attempt to settle for other magazines... It didn't work. So I made my way upstairs. Determined to at least get something out of this trip, I attempt to finish out my Christmas list [the little people's gifts] by buying them graphic novels.
HOWEVER... Right as I got into my book browsing groove... Right as I start to feel like B&N had finally redeemed itself for it's previous crimes against me... All of a sudden, this Big Bertha of a woman interjects herself into my awareness...
Now, I know what you're thinking... You're a nice person Candyce! What was the harm in having a conversation with a stranger up on her comic lore???
Well, first of all... There is none. The problem is...
Big Bertha: n 1. Used to describe an old, overweight, super butch in prison. They generally attempt to take young unassuming convicts under their wing to turn them into their 'women.2 Same as the above, except the Bertha is out in the real world...
Now as you can see, if I've described this woman as a Bertha... That makes me the young unassuming woman, and Dear, God...
It wasn't disturbing because she was butch or overweight.. It was disturbing because she seemed to think I was barely legal. Going so far as to say, "You're probably to young to remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..."
And yet, she spent at least 40 minutes trying to pick me up! Now this woman HAD to be at least as old as my Grandmother, or at the very least, only a few years younger!
Then, to top off my day...
Reason number five: I discover a credit card company has basically been stealing me blind for the past 6 months and that I have to wait until Monday to even speak to them about it!
The good news?
In an hour a new day starts and I can start again. Hopefully the universe decides to smile on my again.
I do believe... | They Will Appear | Akron/Family
Life is funny sometimes.
And really, I say that so often it should be my catchphrase. Or rather, it will end up being one of things people will remember me by. My tombstone, in all likelihood could end up reading: Indeed, Life is Funny Sometimes...
Actually, now that I think about it I may just have to request that it happens that way. It'd be my last inside joke that would last as long as people remembered me...
But that was a tangent. So...
Life is funny sometimes.
This was supposed to be the year of increased everything. Increased blogposts, increased music consumption, increased relevancy, and just... more.
Yet as we near the end of the year it's becoming increasingly obvious that that will not be the case. Sure, I've managed to widen my musical horizons, but really... There was never a chance that that wasn't going to happen. On the other hand however, I'll be lucky to break even with my blog count for last year and as for relevancy...
That's always up for debate, but I'm not sure I did so well there either.
This was a year of calm drama. Which... is kind of funny in a not kind of way. I gained and lost friends as quickly as my heart beats and yet... Funnily enough, I will end the year with the same core friends I had at the beginning of it.
I'd like to think I grew some this year. I learned more about myself and thus learned more about others. I reached an apex of my faith then became disillusioned by my fellow members.
I changed this year.
Not for better or worse, simply a sidestep in life.
I reconnected with the woman I once thought I'd marry only to realize there are somethings better left in the past, untouched by present day realities.
Really, for a year seemingly so mundane it only makes sense that my experiences within it be equally mundane yet many.
It's funny in a way.
I barely posted anything here this year, and yet my Google Buzz account is practically brimming with nonsense. It seems, while it might have been a slow news year for me personally... The rest of the world was brimming with stories that made you ache for a time that never was... A time when common sense was the law of the land and people using logic wasn't such an absurd unheard of thought.
I don't know. There have been plenty of times when I, between destinations would think.. . Life is funny sometimes... then words would pour out of my brain only to disappear into the air because I didn't take the time to write them down.
Maybe it's better that way.
I don't know... One day I'll make sense. 'Till then, there's music to be listened to and thoughts to be thought.
Oh, and a story to be written.
"My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth..." - Modest Mouse