Lessons in Breathing

NO HORN BLOWING, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, my allergies have been nothing if not annoying since coming to Sacramento last year. What I rarely talk about is the negative effect it's been having on my asthma recently. The reason for that, is because I really don't pay attention to how difficult it is for me to breathe until right before I enter crisis mode. It's a bad habit that I didn't really realize I had until today.

I went to the Health Clinic today in hopes of getting some information on the H1N1 vaccine, as well as to mention how out of wack my breathing has been lately. As I waited to be seen by the doctor I noticed my voice progressively fading while my head started to pound. I just chocked it up to allergies. By the time I'd been called to see the doctor I'd been feeling slightly dizzy with my head still pounding.

I was having an asthma attack.

I didn't even fully realize that until the doctor told me to take deep breathes so she could listen to my lunges, and I couldn't. She immediately gave me a look and said,"Your lungs are really tight. I'm going to have you take a treatment. I'll back after" [Treatment: Nebulizer filled with Abuterol solution.] The shit makes you jittery as hell, your muscles literally jump... But your lungs open like the red sea so...

It was pointed out to me, once the doctor came back that when she'd first come into the room my lungs were so tight that I barely had enough oxygen in my lungs to speak. And to top it off the lack of oxygen was most likely the cause of the headaches I'd been getting for the past few days. After asking me if I even had my inhaler with me and discovering that I didn't... I basically got chastised like an extremely irresponsible child.

Which, I suppose I deserved.

I've never taken my asthma seriously. To me, in the face of the very serious illness in the world, asthma was only a minor blip. And the doctor let me know how irresponsible that was. "Asthma is a very serious disease and people have died." - "If you ever find yourself out without an inhaler you NEED to go to an emergency room." Then finally, "I'm putting you on steroids."

I think that, more then anything kind of woke me up. You get put on steroid tablets when your attacks start become unmanageable by an inhaler alone. She then told me that in my condition it would be best to get at least the normal flu shot since my asthma seems to get badly exacerbated by illness.

It's crazy and scary. It's time to start taking things a bit more seriously. And I will.

Bring on the jitters!


Get It How You Live

Amanda Palmer, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

I need to get away, to feel again - "First Love" Adele

Two posts in one day; oh the power of your own personal New Year! For me, it lead to a wee bit of introspection and I've decided that I need to live in a collective.

I don't want any part of anybodies corporate country. I want to live my life surrounded by writers, artists and philosophers. And really, I don't care if that comes of a tad pretentious or even naive. The older I get, the more certain I am that I wasn't meant for the structured life of the 9 to 5 world. My wants and desires are simple. I've never wanted the big house, expensive cars and notoriety. I want a bed, music, books and my laptop. I mean really, simplify my life to those basic components and I'd be happy. I used to think that the list of things I needed included a car, but really... My bike will do.

I'm tired of being surrounded by people who's every goal boils down to how big their paycheck will be in the future. How sweet their car will be and how much respect they'll command in the future. Because really, what about now? How can a person ever truly be happy if the things they most concern themselves with are so fleeting in nature?

A life full of things is nothing with out the experiences that will make you smile on your deathbed. Of this I'm certain. However, living with this philosophy isn't easy. Simple wants aren't congratulated by family. Big dreams and unrealistic goals are. Being the oldest means getting the degree, the paycheck and letting it trickle down to younger siblings and cousins.

So then the question arises... Is my simple life philosophy a selfish one? Does being the oldest literally mean that one has to deny themselves for the younger? Does being the first in a University mean that I must hurry to finish?

Some say yes. My heart says otherwise. My mind says to do what needs to be done to stay sane.

The brain has never been much help in things like this


CSS, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Birthdays. Today is mine. That's right! I have now entered one of 3 utterly unimportant years, 22. The next big milestone isn't until 25, when car insurance companies stop trying to overtly rape your wallet. Well, it'll be a milestone if I once again have a car by then. If not, it's all downhill until I can register with AARP!

Ha! Not really, I eagerly embrace the fact that I get older with every breath that I take and will eventually have gray hair. I'm actually looking forward to the gray... I'm hoping it grows in like my grandmother's, starting with just a defiant patch on my right temple.

Until then, school started Monday under the unforgiving heat of Sacramento in the [almost] Fall [not quite] Summer heat. My classes so far seem.... A tad daunting. Which, I think may be a good thing. When classes are easy and don't require much thinking on my part I tend to... Stop going. I think I welcome the challenge... No matter how huge it seems to be at the moment.

Unfortunately, this heat is stealing my soul and I can't think of anything remotely interesting to say.

Oh well.

Nina Simone is about to receive heavy rotation on all of my music players