The City

Sipology, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

There are so many songs about Long Beach and in a way, all of them fall short.

So I've been meaning to update this thing for a while; however, it's been hard. Not hard in the sense that my fingers were broken or something equally impossible [because, ouch]. No. Mainly, I just needed to digest and adjust. I needed change.

So I went and got a job. But then I realized, canvasing in triple digit weather wouldn't be fun. So I decided to head down to Long Beach.

I got in Saturday morning and as soon I stepped off the train and felt the cool beach weather, with the scenery the perfect blend of gritty grossness and local awesome... I knew it was a great idea.

Truly, Long Beach is a city of of vivid colors, tattoos, rainbows, and... well to a very small degree yuppies. But they've only managed to take over a single street. This is a city of the people. A city of good times cleverly hidden in plain view, as the passing tourist not from around would miss most of it's gems.

They say the freaks come out at night. But here, they just come out.

And damn, it's good to be back.

Snide, Smug, Rude, Fake

Coachella Campgrounds, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Me, apparently.

The title I originally planned for this post was: Crisis of Faith

I've lashed out and now feel as childish, as the spirit in which the words were given to me. But it doesn't change the fact that I'd like to lash out more.

What bothers me the most, is that I continuously operate under the assumption that when there is a problem, people will talk them through like adults. Or rather, when there is a problem, people will speak up.

And yet, the opposite is the truth that holds. When there is a problem, people will run away like children while quietly calling names.

Snide. Smug. Rude. Fake.

Me, apparently.

Jaded to friendship.

Me, definitely.

---------------------------------

edit: It's funny, but I was sitting here trying to become less pissed when Quiet Dog, Bite Hard by Mos Def started playing on my iTunes shuffle.

One thing I want to assure them

If they think I'm going to change.

Or compromise my attitude and my way of life

In my expression or in my goal

What's politics?

They're making me stronger.

And I'm much stronger now.

-------------

I've decided this wont affect my outlook on life. If I've learned anything in my practice it's that the only person I have control over is me. I held onto this friendship much longer then I should have. It's funny, because at the beginning of the friendship the ending was foreshadowed. Multiple times in fact. Last year, I should have headed the warnings and let it go. Foolishly I thought I needed it. Foolishly, I thought moving forward we would be more inclined to talk through our problems. I was wrong, and that's okay. It wasn't the first time and it wont be the last.

I don't know, in the long run... it'll be all good.

Rhapsodic

Welcome to Coachella, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Tip toeing through the used condoms...
Strewn on the piers off the west side high way,
Sunset behind the skyline of jersey
Walking towards the water with a fetus holding court,
In my gut,
My body highjacked,
My tits swollen
And sore...

The River has more colors at sunset
Then my sock drawer ever dreamed of
I can wake up screaming sometimes, but
I dont.
I could step off that news pier but I've got shit to do
At unemployment on Tuesday
To shed uninvited blood
And tissue, neh
Blood and Strife

The unwritten rap at the end of Coming Up by Ani DiFranco

Just thought I'd share that with you all. Why? Because....BITCH I MIGHT BE!

In other news, I almost want to change the title of today's post. After all, that's a great title that shouldn't be wasted on the nonsense that is... this. Oh well. I am now listening to Centrifuge by Pomplamoose.

Have I hyped these two yet? I feel like I have... But maybe I haven't. And since I'm really grooving [not really, I'm just laying here... but on the inside... oh by watch out for my moves] to this song. And I really think you all should get a taste of the duo I so enjoy... So check them out! I'd say they sound like the Bird and the Bee. But they don't. I'd say they remind me of the Bird and the Bee. And they do. How that works? I'm not exactly sure. It could be because of the fact that it's a boy girl duo... Or could simply be that there's an underlying vibe that they both share.

Yeah... I'm going to go with that last sentence

Speaking of the Bird and the Bee... If you haven't heard of them yet, please go educate yourself now. Start with the self titled album. Why? Because that's where you can find the songs, Fucking Boyfriend and Again and Again. Then check out the eps Please Clap Your Hands and One To Many Hearts. For Please Clap Your Hands, the songs to look for are Polite Dance Song and So You Say. On One to Many Hearts, you want Last Day of Our Love. And after you've caught yourself up on there back catalogue, get their latest album: Ray Guns Are the Future.

Hmm... Should I just make a mixtape download for you all?

Things I Learned Today

IMG_4646, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's been a while since I've done a "Things I learned Today" post, so while editing this post I realized it was time. My original title was... trite. Not on purpose, just well... trite. I've come to some realizations in the few hours that I've been awake. And really, the fact that I've literally only been awake a few hour is a realization in itself. I went from: absolutely no sleep for the 40 hours connecting Monday - Tuesday; to sleeping long into Wednesday before going to a meeting; waking up early and being insanely productive by 2pm Thursday; to... just waking up a few hours ago on Friday. It's 3:27pm. And by a few hours I'm exaggerating the fact it's been about 2 and half hours only.

Yeah... as I'm sure is abundantly obvious at this point, I've got a sleeping problem. At which point, the problem is that I don't. And when I do, my body tries to over compensate. It's troublesome. Lack of sleep makes everything feel do or die, while simultaneously feeling like a high zombie that simply lacks all desire to move.

Heh. High Zombie... "BRAAAAAAAAAAINS! Uh... could you come to me brains? I think the couch is trying to swallow me... Oh.... Is the room spinning?"

In the meantime, the list.

1. I Need A New Coffee Machine.

• The one I have was useless when my mom gave it to me... wow 4 years ago. I kept it for sentimental value but... It's time for me to get real. My mom knew how addicted I was to coffee and she'd never want me to suffer through consistently meager cups of coffee out of some misplaced since of sentiment.

2. I need to finish filling out my fafsa information.

• And really, I do. It's already late, but for some reason I'm dragging my feet on the final step which is simply submitting a few lines saying "My Situation Has Not Changed." It's always the little things that I simply do not want to do.

3. I need to let go.

• I've never enjoyed the chase. It's not about the thrill of persistency and I've seen the kind of person you can become when you are constantly reaching out to people that do not reach back. It's a road that only has hurt on the other end. A road, I vowed early in life never to follow. So what do you do? What do I do? I move on.

No bye. No Aloha

Well met.

.su, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity...

The Second Coming | William Butler Yeats

I'm very fortunate to have met so many amazing people in my life at only 22. Actually, I feel amazing is the wrong word. I'm very fortunate to have met so many people that have opened my mind to so many different paths of.... No that's wrong as well.

I am very fortunate. To have met. The people that have made me who I am.

I don't mean family, though they have shaped me significantly. But I mean, the people who make lasting impressions even if the time they spend actually present in your life is fleeting.

My favorite poem is the The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats, the excerpt above is the first stanza. And as a friend and fellow Buddhist leader left my house just now, the line " Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.." came into mind... Even while I still had a smile on my face. And it was ironic, that this, my favorite line in my favorite poem... Would be so bleak and in such direct contrast to my belief in my faith that is... "No matter what, it will work out."

And this lead me to think about the many people in my life that have shaped my views on life... My AP lit professor who first introduced me to Yeats, by way of the book; Things Fall Apart. My different philosophy professors... my friend in Germany... the strangers I've met in my travels and yet had such great conversations on life with... My comrades in faith...

I'm not sure why, my line of thinking was such as it does not directly follow. However, perhaps it was simply that in that moment that I watched her leave and I reflected on: that poem, myself, and my beliefs... I felt so utterly centered in the core of things. The greater scheme, if you will... That I couldn't help but be grateful to the people who'd helped me to this point.

Truly. At times I feel like such a horrible person, as it is... so difficult for me to stay connected even though I do care so much... And I guess in those moments of binary, all I could think was...

Well met.

Anonymous Glory

Coachella | Feel Good Inc., originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Groove Salad.

While I'd like to take the claim for creating the phrase, it belongs to the people over at SomaFM. Groove Salad is the name of the station I'm currently listening to, and judging by what I've been hearing so far it's mostly chill beats, ambient, and trip hop. I dig it. What's more, it matches so perfectly to the mood I find myself in at 6:40 in the morning after an unironically sleepless night it's crazy.

It's funny. In a kind of, kind of way. Usually when I wake up I need silence for a couple of hours. Complete silence. With noise coming from nothing, including me. I like to slowly enter awareness; to ease into the day seamlessly by integrating sound only after my buffer period of quiet has ended naturally by chance.

However, on days or rather mornings, like this one... When I've watched my window darken through to night only to slowly phase through the colors of early morning... I find music to be the perfect accompany to the mood I usually find myself in.

But what I always find interesting, or pleasant, or random... Or whatever unnamed word of description that matches best... Is when by chance, I press play my on my iTunes player that is chronically shuffled... Or like today [this morning that is], when I stumble upon an internet radio station and press play to the channel that draws me by name...

And find the music selection so tailor made to how I feel... So perfectly appropriate that I think... This is why I love music. Because I live it. It regulates my heartbeat and determines my moods. It hits my system harder then any drug could ever hope to...

And I think, if I cannot have sleep... At least I have this.

"You know, it just might be this anonymous glory... of all things"

Choose Privacy

Choose Privacy Week Video from 20K Films on Vimeo.

Simply put, the ALA are a group of badasses and it gives me comfort to know the library... My first external escape, is being guarded so fiercely.

I remember when the Patriot Act first got put into place and I remember going into libraries and seeing the signs. Reading the articles from pissed off librarians and watching as they got called all manner of names during the, 'You're either a Patriot: And by patriot we mean you give us all of your information and all of everybody else's.... Or your a terrorist' And yet through it all, librarians stayed true. They did what journalists didn't do. And for that they have my respect and should have yours as well.

Do watch the video.

"Have they lost their heads or are they just all blind mice?"

Tragic Kingdom