I < /3 Facebook

Question?, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

That's 'I Hate Facebook' for those not up on their internet speak.

Which beg's the question, 'Why?' Or perhaps, "How?"

To put it plainly, I don't know. I'll lay back and start at the beginning, which I'm fairly certain, starts with Senior year. [Ha! You thought I was going to go with the cliche, 'It starts when I was born, Doctor...']

By and by, senior year in high school happened and I, with my one class, eagerly looked forward to graduating and never seeing anyone I went to school with again. After all, this had been promised to me by pop culture. It's the way things work.

You make shallow friends that you put up with simply because it would be to troublesome to stop hanging out with them | You graduate | You don't hear from or of them until the 10 year high school reunion. At which point you either gloat about being the CEO at the company that they are in fact, merely a peon... Or you proclaim with conviction to have invented the Post-It.

And despite the fact that by 2015, no one in their right mind would believe I invented the Post-it, it would be my lie of choice. Well, that or I'd show up with a group of super dyke lesbians that I'd met in a bar specializing in bondage, hours before the reunion.... But unlike the main character of Sister Safety Pin, I doubt I could pull that off.

So anyway back to my point, or subpoint, I'd expected to never hear from these people again until the reunion. A 10 year reprieve if you will. But instead, Myspace happens. Which in the beginning was really of no concern to me, I was content with my LiveJournal. Then Facebook happens. And "OMGOSH!!11! We all got into college!! We can totally join!" Because five years ago, Facebook was still something of a novelty.

But alas, still no real concern to me. I had zero plans of getting either. So what happened you ask? How did I go from happily abstaining from both, to unhappily having a profile on each by the end of my first semester in college?

Peer Pressure. The two P's that never cease to ruin lives. And I know what you're thinking. Or rather, I know what I would be thinking if I read such a ridiculous post. "Why not delete them then?"

Truthfully? I don't delete my myspace account, because Myspace has written itself out of relevancy. There's no point even working up the minimal energy required to delete it. However, Facebook has managed to situate itself so firmly into the psyche of not only my age group and below... But as the news anchor that came to speak to my Women in Mass Media class today said, "Having a Facebook account used to be an optional thing. These days, in the 24/7 instant news era, a Facebook and a Twitter account are mandatory."

Twitter, I understand. It's the quickest way to get the pulse on major invents as well as the quickest way to get information out. Facebook? Not so much.

However, I'm fairly certain that has more to do with me being a cantankerous old man when it comes to certain things. Truly at times I feel like bending over into the shape of an L, grabbing a nobly cane or broken root and shaking it in the air as I yell... "Get of my lawn!" Or more appropriately... "GO AWAY!" Who I'm yelling that to I'm not exactly sure, because I'm half blind from squinting at my computer screen all day.

However, while I sit back and grumble while my imaginary wife wipes the spittle from my mouth... I'm fairly certain the sounds of my mumbling... "God Damn Facebook..."** Can be heard.


**Courage the Cowardly Dog is a cartoon that used to [may still] come on Cartoon Network. The old man from that cartoon is the old man I envision my disagreeable self as. He's also known to mumble, "God damn dog...." Funny stuff.

1 comment:

Am said...

lmao...you are a grumbling old man.