Self-Amused?

The Kills, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Is it wrong that I amuse myself? Am I to much in my head? Sometimes I wonder.

I mean, it can't be a good thing that sometimes I'm not sure if I've spoken out loud or simply thought something. And believe me, that happens a lot. And it's NOT amusing when one isn't sure whether you've said something insanely scathing within the hearing range of the person said scathing thoughts/words were spoken near.

However, on the other hand... It does provide me with a constant reel of things I did/said/wrote that I found amusing. That can't be bad. In fact it could be said to be a tad narcissistic, but it's really not! I'm just used to amusing myself!

...And apparently it's gotten a bit extreme...

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Bah. I've come to accept my insanity. In fact, if ever I completely realize all of the facets of said insanity I'll write a book. It'll be titled "Dissecting my Crazy." Book reviewers may call it a self-indulging waste of trees. However, with out a doubt it will have a few lovers. After all, there's got to be others in the same boat. High functioning crazy people just trying to figure out exactly how crazy they are. And the book would be amusing. So maybe it wouldn't be immediately written off. After all, everyone likes to read about how crazy other people are. It gives them a sense of security. Relief. It gives them the ability to say, "Oh thank heavens, at least I'm not that bad"

In a way, I'd be doing a public service while providing a wee bit of humor into my self-depreciation. I would be the example to hold up. I would stand there as an example that, yes. Crazy is the new sub-genre of normal. It's ok. I'll walk you through this.... You know, when I'm not being distracted by my own insanity.

Actually, I think when ever I do write and publish "Dissecting my Crazy." I'll add a small blank journal to the back. Or have it sold with a separate journal. The title of course would be, "Dissecting YOUR Crazy." The sub-title will of course be, "Acceptance is the first step to Infinity." The sub-title of course will be confusing to non-crazy people. However, knowing you're crazy doesn't change your crazy. It just means that you acknowledge it and plan on playing it off as a quirk.

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Really... the original point of this post was to see if being amused by things I've done in the past made me odd...

Deus. Maybe I should just stick to blogging

Trust me.

M.I.A., originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

I'm feeling slightly guilty right now and it has nothing to do with the way I shamelessly drown my blog with crappy concert photos.

No no. This guilt is the result of spending the entire Spring Semester quietly hating my favorite professor's TA. [And yes. I am talking about that professor] To compound this guilt, I didn't even have a good reason to hate her. It was just one of those instant on-sight-dislike kind of deals.

Now what is causing me to suddenly by smacked with unwanted guilt? Well, perhaps the fact that I just spent the last 15 minutes talking to her and she's pretty damn cool.

Oh well. I never said my dislike-o-meter was mistake proof.

Death

Is by no means amusing. Not in reality

Sure as a society we try to ease ourselves into the fact that the end result for all of us is quite the same, which is a one way ticket to six feet below the earth. Or scattered above, depending on whether a person decides on cremation. However, it's all the same right? The great sleep is it. We have shows like Dead Like Me that attempt to show a fun alternative to the fire & brimstone or glowing wings & clouds, Christian alternatives. We have books like the Darwin Awards that poke fun at the very act of dying; after all, if a person is stupid enough to earn a spot in the book, then self selecting themselves out of the gene pool was the least they could do.

However, the sad truth is... No one is ever prepared for death. Not when it happens to someone you know. It rarely matter whether you personally no the person who's died. Case in point when famous people die, if they were well liked there is generally a sense of mourning among the public. Example? Bea Arthur dying on Saturday. I loved the Golden Girls and was deeply saddened by her death. Another example? When a cousin you weren't particularly close to dies.

As apparently, mine has. Last Friday in fact. I found out today. It's crazy because, as I said we weren't close. He was from the age bracket above mine. But I'm saddened by it.

When I think about all of this: all of the shows, the jokes, and the books, dedicated solely to the topic... I find I sometimes find it hard to believe that most people have never been to a funeral for someone they knew, let alone a family member. To contrast that with myself... As a person who's been to... quite a bit more then a few, from quite a young age... with most of them having been for family members... I don't know. It's a bit sad, to put it mildly.

It's also a bit ostracizing. To have experienced that much... Loss, I guess you can call it... You look at the world differently. You live differently. It becomes hard to deal, to live. Because, when you are so often faced with your mortality through the loss of family member's... It becomes hard to focus on the mundane. On the minor things of life that are actually necessities. Life becomes something of an urgency. You find yourself either filled with the desire to live as much as possible in each day... Or you succumb to the hopelessness of it all. Either way, life is one extreme or the other. And my family is shrinking rapidly.

But enough of that.

Cake or Death?

Those that can't do...

So I just re-read a short, cute and funny Hermione/Luna story on FF.net. After reading it I realized that the story had only 2 comments and I couldn't remember whether I had commented on it before; so I clicked the little reviews button and glanced over them. The first comment was nothing more then a, "Hahaha, that was funny." The second however, was two paragraphs of some person tearing the writer a new one over a couple of minor yet excessively common grammar mistakes in the story. However, the reviewer didn't stop at the minor mistakes in the story, but apparently perused through the girls bio for further ammunition. It was insanely harsh and filled with nothing but insults.

Now, I don't know the author personally or other wise. And I think that's the only story of hers that I'd ever read. But the comment was enough to make me see who this person was. So I click the link, expecting to see an account filled with stories upwards of 10,000 words long.... Did I find that? Yes. Only those stories were favorites; not stories written by the reviewer. That made my blood boil. I then felt compelled to send reviewer a message. This is what I wrote.

"Hey, this is in response to a comment you left MissaSempai who I don't know personally at all. However, reading your comment left the worse taste in my mouth possible. Kind of like the feeling you get when you see a bully being overly cruel to a passerby. Ever heard the saying, 'Those that can't do, teach'? Well in your case, those that can't do try and tear down those who can. Were there grammar mistakes? Yes. Did they completely destroy her story? No. Were some of things you flamed her over even remotely connected to the story? No. Meaning it was uncalled for. It's easy to be a grammar nazi when you yourself aren't putting yourself out there. There's constructive criticism and there are flames. Hopefully one day you'll learn the difference. Hopefully, before you completely dishearten a writer."

There was so much I wanted to tell that reviewer, however I was so.. offended for the writer that it would have degenerated quickly. I just so hate when people are unnecessarily cruel. I know personally how hard it can be to write something, no matter how long or short, and post it for the public to see. It takes a lot. And to put yourself out there, write a provide a decently well written story beside a few minor mistakes... Only to be torn down can be crushing.

I mean, believe me. I've read stories so full with grammatical and spelling errors that I've had to look away after a few paragraphs. I've also read stories that just had no point. Seemingly nothing more than a bunch of words randomly thrown together with a pronoun every now and then.

*shakes head*

You may think...

Cage the Elephant, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

"You may think you offered gifts to the trea-
sure tower... but that is not so. You
offered them to yourself."
--The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin - Page 299

So... the picture above is quite possibly one of my all time favorite concert photos period. Which is cool, because Cage the Elephant was one of the best shows of the weekend... In my humble and very simple opinion that is.

However, Coachella was week ago. Present day sees me inhabiting a mixed bag of emotions. Chief among them being, exhaustion. On one hand, [as is generally the case] I've just realized what is most likely a reason... Lack of iron. On another... Allergies. Yet another gift from Sacramento.

Another major emotion dominating space in the bag is a mild case of dysphoria. The Spring semester is almost over and I need to find a job as well as a cheaper place to stay. To make things a tad more pressing I need to find an alternative place to stay by the end of July. Both tasks are proving to be quite difficult.

Lastly, well actually no. I think everything else just kind of falls into sub-categories of my dysphoria. That's not to say, I'm feeling particularly 'woe'-filled... Just... slightly anxious.

Blame it on the alc.. Just kidding.

Blame it on the exhaustion

Amanda Palmer

Amanda Palmer, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Be gone, evil migraine! I smite thee with my hot cup of coffee and motrin!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way... I can tell you the awesomeness that just happened! And what is that? You ask?

A couple hours ago I submitted 3 of my Coachella photo's to the official website to be hosted in their 2009 gallery. Then, realizing I was out of soy milk and wanted some for my coffee... I hopped on the bike and went to buy some.

On my return, I decide to browse the gallery to see what pictures had already been accepted and what do I see? Why, all 3 of my pictures! Which is made doubly awesome, because the last time I submitted pictures [in 2007] all 3 of those were accepted as well.

Now for those of you, who are more inclined to call shenaningans then to believe me... I present you with THIS! A link to the page with the first two pictures.

-The 1st is the 3rd picture on the top left side.
-The 2nd is the 2nd picture [which is the same as the one posted here] on the second row.
-For the 3rd, you have to press the back button. Once you do, my picture is the last one on the last row.

ps: The pictures say posted by prettyragdoll. That's just my name on the Coachella message board

The Do Lab

The Do Lab, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Once again Coachella has come and gone; only this time around I'm a bit numb in my post-chella depression.

And to be clear, my numbness has no bearing on the festival itself. Because, Coachella was with out a doubt still amazing -- I just feel like the days flew by. And i dont mean that in an entirely good way. In part, I'm blaming this on the set times.

Out of all the bands I wanted to see, 90% of them were playing at the same time. And not just a mash up of, one band vs another. But more like... Main Stage vs Gobi vs Sahara. Or Main Stage vs Outdoor vs Mojave. [For those not up on their Coachella lingo: Outdoor, Gobi, Mojave & Sahara are the four other stages] And it sucked.

Beyond just having to pick one band to see and thereby missing at least two others... The fact that everyone I dearly wanted to see came on at roughly the same time meant that the rest of the time there would be no one I was overly excited to see.

So... That was a bit.... blah.

But the bands I did see were amazing! And of the bands I saw, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs thoroughly surprised me. I went to their set prepared to be underwhelmed, only to leave their set later then intended because of how good they were.

X was amazing. Which was awesome if you consider they're one of the original DIY Punk bands; while also being one of the only punk bands to never sell out. On top of that, every single member of the band was moving/dancing/jumping as if they were still the same age they were when they first started. And that is cool.

Other then all of the bands, the Art at Coachella this year was definitely top notch this year. From the Do Lab & the Bambo Piece, to the Hand of God and the flaming dragon... It was brilliant.