Claim

ts, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

When you are young and raised as a Christian... Or rather, when you are young and from a family with deep roots in the South and raised a Baptist... Correction Missionary Baptist [12 loyal years, 3 confused years, and 3 forced years later, I'm still not sure what the distinction means. | For those attempting the math, I stopped going the week after I turned 18.]

But my point...

When you are raised by black transplants... [I prefer to use the word, "black." Why? Because as a little person I thought if I used only the word 'black,' in reference to myself people would see how ridiculous it is. After all, I'm pretty sure I passed kindergarden for a reason... One of them was my ability to distinguish colors. Upon learning that skill I realized I was... In fact... Brown! And as I grew older I just found 'black' less... Other than 'African-American.' I didn't immigrate here... So why would I need an extra quantifier on American? Most days even that label feels to heavy in the face of its government's decisions...]

But once again... I've gotten lost in a tangent in what is, or should be, a fairly serious post.

When you are raised the way I was, there are certain phrases that stick with you. Like a certain pastor's favorite phrase... Or certain unspoken Church specific rules.... But mainly, it will be the little things that all of the very old women that crowded you as a child never stopped repeating... And of course was then echoed from everyone with the will to hear.

For tonight's purpose, I'll tell you the one being focused on: Don't Claim It

Of course, you'd never hear it that straight forward from one of them... No no, for them you need any number of quantifiers... like: [fuck it never mind, I was going to type them the way they end up sounding but it just looks stupid] Child, girl, son, etc...

And as cliche as it is... Even though it's a holdover from a place full of hypocrisy... It's something that's stayed with me.

When I'm worried? Don't claim it. When I'm ill? Don't claim it. When I might be ill?

Yeah. You get the idea.

However, as I sit hear with a pounding headache on the cusp of giving in and acknowledging that there might be a problem... I can't help but hear an old women muttering, not to claim it.

But, how much of that is wisdom passed down through ages... And how much of it is sticking your ass in the air and hoping if you bury your head low enough it will go away?

I don't know, and I've got years of hiding from possible endgame probabilities under my belt.

To some degree I still am. With one breath I resolve to get answers, with the next I hope it will all go away. With the third I pretend the last two thoughts never happened and change the song...

I'm not really sure where to end this. There is no answer to my question of the day. If there were, there'd be no conflicted pain filled emotions to spur this post.

And by pain filled, I mean literal head pain. I'm not so angsty as to just throw around melodrama the way the Godmother threw around money...

Google her


Lift every voice and sing..

Flame

Flame, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I'm constantly wondering if I should delete this picture & amd hand full of other pictures. It's not very good and I feel like cluttering my flickr pool with bad pictures makes me look bad. *shrug*

I'm also cracking out to Erykah Badu at the moment so I may also clutter my blog with excerpts from her songs.

But I've been thinking... I think sometimes think that my happiness is tied to my father's and my grandmother's. Why?

Because I am so much like them.

I once told my grandmother I was her reborn, so there was little hope for me. Ha.

But seriously.... I am much to like them both. So I always find myself rooting for their happiness. Because if they can make it work in this world, then surely so can I.

It may sound ridiculous, after all, only we can make our own happiness. At least, that's what common thought believes.

Whether it's true or not is something up for debate.

But... well... I don't actually know. Blah. Fistful of Mercy just started playing.

I don't want to waste your time...
But I will, yes I will, yes I will
If you give me a reason


I Don't Want To Waste Your Time | Fistful....

Purpose | Loitering

data, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Help me understand your purpose in my life. I've written bad poetry about you. Stayed up light at night worrying about you. Cried constantly and doubted myself over you. I've left you behind many times and yet... You always come back. Always returning to my awareness only after I've hardened my heart to you. And always leaving a trail of confusion in your wake.

Leading me to abruptly end contact so that the question of you leaves me be, if only for a while.

But you always return and I always respond. So the question is why? What game are we playing? Do you know? Because I'm no longer 16 and I'm tired of not knowing the rules.

What is your purpose in my life? What is mine in yours?

One of us needs to figure this out.

-------------------------

So I wrote this a week ago, while at a show in local place called the Naked Lounge. I was half a beer in, listening to great music by a fellow buddha while people many beers deep yelled nonsense... And I remember just suddenly feeling... Like I wanted to feel more than I did. I was sad that the feelings were no longer there. Or were they/ are they/ still there; buried so deep behind unresolved teenage tears that it simply feels like there is nothing?

Who. fucking. knows?

However, the fact remains we're like that stupid couple in Brokeback Mountain. I'm tired of thinking "I wish I could quit you."

...lol Ok, so I've never actually thought that particular phrase....

But I am tired of being emotionally tied to someone I've spoken to at least a few months out of every year since I was 16.

Stop Loitering. 

Come in or get out. Your letting all of the fresh air out of my life.

"And she said she needs more than a friend
Thats all I've ever been...
Well, one day when are you gon overstand...
And I remember the first day that we met ya
How could I forget, cha?
When you smile and I turned and I say to you, yo
yo your pure and true"
-Erykah Badu

Bum Rap or Op-ed

"Obama's bum rap on entitlement reform"


That is a really solid article on the state of Obama's politics in the face of what he promised versus what he's done. The article ends on a President positive note. I wont.


I can't help but wonder what that state of Obama's presidency says for all of us that must continue to live in this country. What does Obama's failure at bi-partisonship mean for the youth?


Everything.


Youth are easily riled passionate beings of fury.


Given the right cause or spark, the youth will start a revolution. Just look at Egypt. However, as passionate as the youth are, they are equally predisposed for extreme sudden onset jaded-ness.


And when the youth collectively give up on a society, may the cosmos help the society that has to deal with the aftermath.


And what does this have to do with Obama? Everything.


A President that road the wave of youthful passions to the White House, on a board that promised change has only managed one meaningful one. The disillusionment of the youth.


College tuition in the CSU system has risen at least 6 times over the past two years.


Health Insurance is still far to expensive for any Gen- Y or Millennial to afford. Not to mention that the bill that was passed simply made it illegal to not have insurance. While of course, making sure no government funds went to aid a woman's right to her body's goings on.


Jobs are non existent.


And for what? For the Democrats to lose control of the House? For the Republicans to lose control of their crazies? For the many non-wars that miraculously continue to be funded by the never ending supply of money that can never be found when it comes to education? For the complete erosion of our Civil Rights in our misguided quest to maintain the appearance of safety in the midst of the chaos that is the World at Large.


We are tired of the political squabbling and we've yet to even reach our 30's.


We'd Declare Independence, but all the land's been claimed and our quiet withdraw would never be allowed in the third wave of Imperialism.


So what do we do? How do we survive the evidence that our only real hope for Change was a lie and the future is grim?


Daisaku Ikeda said in his 2010 peace proposal for the U.N. that we are living in an Interregnum of Values.


What this basically means is we are living in a gap of social sanity. A flux in time that will decide the pace for the next age.


That means this is the most critical. And if we cannot count on our governments to make the appropriate Executive and Legislative changes needed to weather the flux and come out better for it... Than we must BE the change.


Now as cheesy as that sounds, it's not, and it's a completely valid point.


Consumerism and Capitalism masquerading as Globalization for the good of the people has created the situation we're in. Not paying attention while governments played chess with the world's natural resources. Treating human lives as both pawns and rooks to jealously guard the King's monopoly on crude oil, has lead to the situation we're in.


Apathy on the part of the world has lead us here.


So we must re-engage. Money talks louder then silence. Voting rings a lot longer then complaining after the polls close.


News does not watch itself and change does not come to the uniformed.


Recognize that change happens on the backs of those willing to live with uncomfortable knowledge that speaking out for meaningful change generally paints a target that never goes away.


Orwellian Nightmare? That's just the way it is right now.


But the point is that it doesn't have to stay this way. It's time we regroup. 


Counting on the sweet nothings of government has proven disastrous, so it's back to the drawing board.


I'm thinking that if we all individually focus on Humanism, shit might actually get done. After all, the government will only do what popular opinion finds acceptable.


Also, a little more personal responsibility is also going to be needed. The blame game has lasted far longer then it should have and it's impeding societal progress.


Let's agree that even if scientists never come to consensus about Global Warming, we could all use a little less.


Recycling really isn't that hard, let's do that as well.


Because sad truth is: I'm tired of feeling hopeless and disappointed in my government. I continually meet people that speak sense and yet never see that sense reflected in national opinion, and that's unacceptable.


I will no longer be complacent and content to allow the crazies to control the national discourse.
I will engage more. And if even one other person opens their eyes and looks around for the first time because of me, I'll consider it a job well done.


Bum Rap or Op-ed? This is my op-ed. 


Declare Independence of thought.
________


This post was written entirely on my phone

When I Die

Waiting for Daft Punk, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

In Short

When I die, I will force all attendees to smoke Mary Jane and listen to Daft Punk's Alive 2007 album. While the album played their would be a slideshow of all of concert photos.

After the album had played in it's entirety someone would say, "On September 3rd, 1987... Candyce Chrystina Moore was born to Aurora Endora and James Marcus." Then that person would leave.

Then another person would come up and explain about Michael Jackson and Aerosmith.

Then another person would come up and explain about Philosopy, Feminism, Politics and Religion.

Then another person would could up explain the art of Live Shows.

Finally, after all of that someone come up and explain about Love, Friends and Family.

Lastly, someone would come up explain the reason for the music. Candyce saw Daft Punk live in Vegas at a music festival while her great aunt's funeral was taking place in LA. But as sad as she was, as she danced under the night sky with the thousands of other people... She'd never felt closer to her Aunt, the cosmos or anything.

And it was good.

[haha Jesus joke!]

But really, my funeral sounds awesome I wish I would be able to actually enjoy it instead of being... You know, dead.

HA!

Wonderful

King Khan and the Shrines, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So it's that time of the year again, and I couldn't imagine a better intro to the year than this.

The Coachella Line-up has been announced.

And while there are many [as always] that are bemoaning Coachella's 'sold out soul' I am excited.

What's funny is, right now.. I'm mostly excited by an all black cast.

Lauryn Hill.
Erykah Badu
Nas & Damien Marley
Kanye West...

I was so shocked and elated by those 5 names I completely missed the rest of the line-up. Meaning that I've endured rolling waves of excitement as each new band entered my awareness.

Scissor Sisters.... Trentmoller... CSS... Cee lo... Raphael Saadiq... Cold War Kids.. Gogol Bordello... Flogging Molly...

Seriously, and that's so just the tip of the iceberg. There will be I believe 180 bands this year. That means I once again must educate myself on the bands I don't know and brush up on the ones I love.

But oddly, I've found a new component to love and look forward to Coachella.

My sister.

Or rather, the musical sponge that she is right now. She's in this place where everything is shiny. She's a teenager and she's really beginning to understand how awesome and vast the world is. And thanks to me... [I'm not being full of myself, it's seriously thanks to me exposing her to different things and talking to her like a young adult instead of a child...] She's fully in a place to embrace it. She's ready for the mind blowing experience that is discovering a new band and hearing it live.

And what's more... I'm starting to realize that I want to be the one to introduce her to the world of live music. So I've promised to take her to Coachella next year. And I will, even if I have to give up coffee for a month.

Why?

Because it's really freaking awesome having a little sister that you see yourself in. [What can I say? I'm slightly a narcissist] Also... I don't know how to fully explain...

I guess it's like being a parent and discovering that your child actually looks up to you and considers you a major factor in their musical foundations.

I had that bond with both my parents. And because of that I was constantly defending my absolute love for Michael Jackson and Aerosmith. But I never felt odd or weird. I felt like I was leagues above my friends, because I wasn't afraid to sit down and give new music a try.

And now my sister has that bond with me. It's pretty cool. All the BS they sell you about the The Joys of being an Older Sister actually pan out...

You know... What's you survive their annoying years.

But seriously, dude....

Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu....

Crane-sama says...

Coachella | Feel Good Inc., originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Have fun tonight/tomorrow!

The Oceanside

LA Times, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where the air is pure and clean.
I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where I can hear my dreams crash into me.

Oceanside | Angels of Light & Akron/Family

I do not intend to end 2010 with a melancholy post. However, 2010 is the year of the Rabbit. Something I will share with my Father. As such, I must be honest with myself and my emotions. I must embrace old pain as I prepare for a year I'm determined to be better than the one before. Truly, I must win in this year, as it is my year more than most.

This coming March it will be 4 years. And still, gospel music is something I hide from. Both comforted by the memories they evoke and incredibly pained.

I was sitting in the living room only a few moments ago when I heard a familiar song drift through the house from the television my grandmother as has once again allowed to watch her sleep. And suddenly my emotions become to much. The song became to much.

I turned on my music to hide and drown out the song and the memories it brought. But the damage was done.

The emotions had come.

So instead I write them down. I share them with words as I never could with voice. In some respect...I grasp at the memories as fiercely as I wish to cast them aside.

But in the end we are merely a collection of our past memories and our present actions as we move on. In less than 24 hours the year begins again. And like Janus, I will open another door.

Only time will tell what new experiences it will hold.

Nevermore

Nevermore, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

My iPod, elle est morte...

As in, she has gone to gadget heaven and it's time for me to move on. Simple enough as I'd been cheating on her for almost a year with my new love: Nexus One.

That's not to say I didn't love her anymore. I did. I mean, sure... I was no longer technically in- love with her anymore... But one doesn't just have a 3 year relationship end without some feelings of remorse and loss. After all, 3 years can hold quite a few memories of good times.

However, just as the sun will rise, so to will it set. And it has finally set on my Apple flavored lifeline.

I'll admit, this relationship ends with a few bitter feelings. After all... When I was with Creative they never died on me!

But really, my iPods death was just a formality. The final nail in the coffin that was our relationship.

I'd moved on. There was a new gadget in my life that did all that I asked for and more...

So on this day... December 29th, 2010... I say goodbye. May you enjoy the Apple-afterlife on the Island of Forgotten Toys

In my moment of introspective silence... I play:

The Way The Wind Blows | A Hawk and a Hack Saw

Good Eye Sniper

Music, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So as I sit here between 5th and 4th st train station, waiting to return to my final destination I had one true thought before I pulled my laptop out to type this...

My dad would not be pleased.

lol.

But in other news... My music is playing and the songs are switching making me feel a little... scatterbrained I guess. Because with every song change my mood changes to match the song. It's crazy.

We went to see the Tourist today though. And to put it simply... Brilliant. Though, you should definitely quantify that by the fact that it had Johnny Depp AND Angelina Jolie in the film. The film crew would have had to work really hard to mess up that combination.

But today was interesting with a dash... Well a very large dose of funny. And not in my, life is funny kind of way. Nope, in a pure wry small or small giggle I wont repeat anything... kind of way.

It was nice.

But the train is coming 'round the mountain and my computer is about to die, so that's it for today.

However, it's safe to say that I've definitely met my quota of blog posts for the year... Not that I'm ready to hang up the hat for the year yet

You're so beautiful... | Blink 182 | Going Away to College

Alls Well

Holiday, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

...That ends well.

So I went to my step-father's, step-father's girlfriend's [would that make her my step-grandmother?] house for Christmas... lunch, I suppose you could call it. And it was...

Interesting.

For multiple reasons, but the main being simply... I wasn't with what I would consider family, and even though the people were pleasant, they were a little too pleasant. Almost immediately after stepping into the huge house in Hollywood my only thought was...

This was a mistake! I need to get back home to my granny...

I mean, it was honestly like walking into hell... Also known as suburbia, and I couldn't handle it. I didn't breathe properly until we left again.

But other than that... My little brother got a Kinect for Christmas [Yes, he's spoiled.] And all I can say is... If you were even passingly thinking about buying it... Do so.

It. Is. Insanely. fun

We played Kinect Adventures for at least an hour and a half and it was just so intuitive... It makes you wonder how Sony and Nintendo intend to compete with such a solid and all around awesome console.

This is Christmas

Holiday, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

It's officially Christmas here in California and I can only assume Santa is still making his rounds. It's Christmas. Both my 23rd and my 2nd.

Both my favorite and, well...

It's Christmas. Kissmas. And I hope everyone who comes across this post fully enjoys it. For me, and anyone else who will go with through the day experiencing waring emotions like a pregnant woman in the heart of her pregnancy.

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

Love You More

IMG_4354, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

...Than you like me

So the rain has finally stopped and for the first time in weeks, I see the sun.

Now if I were telling you this story in person I might have paused to break out in song... You know the really annoying one from the 90s?

I saw the sun.. It opened up my life! I saw the sun...

Yeah... Not nearly as funny through text, but if you went to my private elementary school you to would cringe at the memory. Why? You ask. Well... Let's put it this way...

A group of girls, that would sing that horrible song on loop. Actually now that I think about... I think they only say that small portion of the song... Which is probably why 18 years later it still torments me.

But like I said, the sun is out. Or rather, was out. Because at 4:21 pm, there's only a good 30 to 40 minutes left of sun, if that.

However, the respite was welcome. Even if it literally is only a brief one, considering it's expected to rain on Sunday.

In other news, for some reason I've been living through this week expecting Christmas to be on Friday. Yeah... apparently not. But that's what happens when you don't watch tv, abstain from the internet for extended periods of time and get multiple shocks dropped on you within a short period of time.

Escapism.

Despite it all, this has been a relatively tame week. Sure there have been bouts of... Over emotional stimulation, but it's the holidays. Who isn't being over stimulated?

Really, I just think we all needed a little bit of sun. Or perhaps the need was felt only by me... I'd say it's like moving from a space station to a place on earth where it's dark 90 percent of the year... You need to see the sun before you can feel like you've come home.

It's all rather interesting.

What you do to me... No one knows | Queens of the Stone Age | No One Knows

The Courtyard

The Courtyard, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Two hours ago I had a pretty solid idea on what I wanted to blog about today. However, one excellent viewing of Claire Danes as Temple Grandin later and... Well this will be a bit free form.

But to begin: My father is moving to Florida.

Why is he moving to Florida? Love. While I was mildly upset about this yesterday when I found out, today, I can only be amused by it all.

Why? This woman sounds perfect for my father. She has three boys apparently and they sound wildly fascinating. And to top it all off, I'm apparently not only invited to visit whenever I want... There willing to buy the ticket.

Now, don't get me wrong... I haven't met this woman yet and I haven't talked to her either. Also, most women that enter my father's life tend to see me as a means to earn brownie points with my father. Which immediately ensures that I'll never respect them.

This time feels different, however. And while it's a little disappointing that he's moving to the penis of America... [Yes, that is what I lovingly call Florida...] It's kind of cool that I have a finally have a reason to give Florida another chance... [I'm looking at you childhood vacation to Disneyworld that consisted of non stop rain]

It's funny. The more I think about this the more excited I get. I really hope this works out. After all, my dad isn't getting any younger.... And if he can find someone... Maybe there's hope for me to?

lol. Just kidding... maybe

Perceptions.

IMG_5756, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Funnily enough, in the space of a few blinks and couple clicks of the mouse, I've completely forgotten what I wanted to blog about...

However, the gist of m subject matter remains.... Perceptions.

For the past few days I've gone to sleep with two rather insistent plot bunnies attacking my brain. Finally last night [or morning, it was 2 am] I propped open my laptop and wrote a few paragraphs.

After getting the opening scene done, I closed my computer and went to sleep with a feeling of contentment... Finally at ease in the knowledge that I would not fall asleep and forget the plot.

On awaking this morning, I once again plugged in my laptop.. Turned on some music and set about revision and addition. However, I was almost immediately faced with two problems.

While I was sleeping a single plot bunny divided itself in two. On one hand, the story was started in first person... On the other, to tell the story fuller I started to feel it needed to be in third. What to do?

Well, first things first, I pressed shuffle on my itunes. I'd grown tired of the New Young Pony Club. Then I made myself some [intensely horrible, but my only option... instant] coffee and let my mind wonder.

Thirty minutes later and a temporary solution had come to me. Feeling rejuvenated, I write the next few lines of dialogue and emotion. And on a whim... Or rather, while not focusing on the actual words of the story, I look at the word count...

408

When reading stories online you rarely even blink for a story that's less then a 1000 words, let alone less then half of that. Going further, if a writer were to update a chaptered story with barely 408 words they'd be looking at at least one flame in retaliation...

And yet, while actually writing the story... 408 words can feel like a small victory.

And so the title of this post: Perceptions.

I just thought it interesting.

I'd rather be lonely then happy with somebody else... | Love Me or Leave Me | Nina Simone

Rain, Rain...

IMG_5769, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Go away... Come again another day...

So maybe it's because I'm from a city that considered rain such a foreign phenomenon that people born and raised there still have no idea how to drive in it...

Or maybe it's because I was cutest little tomboy you could imagine as a little person [Yeah, I know I have modesty down in spades...]

But whatever the reason, I loved the rain. Still do, however, when I was younger it wasn't so much that actual rain that I love... But the critters it always left behind.

Yep! I was that girl. The one eager to get outside after it rained so I could pick up earthworms, count the slugs with the boys, and attempt to jump over puddles wider then I was tall.

I loved it.

Which... Is a little ironic, because now I step out on the porch on my porch and cringe when not only are there snails and worms, but slugs as well!

Where once there was a fascination tinged with the excitement of the forbidden [because girls do not pick up snails and carry them around...] Now there is only a subtle grossness.

However, while I've shed that aspect of my inner little boy... I still love the rain. And yes... I know that statement is in direct contrast to my last post where I complained about how wet it is in LA.

But alas... It's all good. Bugs and all

It's raining, it's pouring... The old man is snoring... He went to bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning...

In crisis

The New Sexual Revolution, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So, yesterday we addressed the fact that I say: You know? Life is funny sometimes... Quite a bit.

So of course it only made sense that today, the universe decided to show me just how funny it can be. So let's begin:

Life is funny sometimes... In a not kind of way.

Reason number one: It's raining in LA... RAINING! I just left rain! I expected SUN and heat and... You know... NOT RAIN!

Anéwé.... [french joke]

Reason number two, three and four: And really, I have no idea how to even go about articulating this one... So I'll explain from the beginning...I went on a Best Friend Date today... [You know, like... a Bromance, but with out the bro or the lack of intelligence]. We went to our [formally favorite] Barnes & Noble, expecting: good coffee, better magazines and amazing books...

Almost immediately we go for coffee [as that's always the first step.] And my coffee was obnoxiously bad. I mean, beyond the pale. To be clear, it's the coffee you serve someone right before you break up with a person and tell them you never liked them anyway...

Then, after I get a comped Americano [like I said... I wasn't drinking that coffee] I make my way to the magazine racks only to discover my three favorite magazines just aren't being carried anymore.

Which magazines? You ask. Good, Mojo, and Juxtapose.

Now thoroughly off my game, I attempt to settle for other magazines... It didn't work. So I made my way upstairs. Determined to at least get something out of this trip, I attempt to finish out my Christmas list [the little people's gifts] by buying them graphic novels.

HOWEVER... Right as I got into my book browsing groove... Right as I start to feel like B&N had finally redeemed itself for it's previous crimes against me... All of a sudden, this Big Bertha of a woman interjects herself into my awareness...

Now, I know what you're thinking... You're a nice person Candyce! What was the harm in having a conversation with a stranger up on her comic lore???

Well, first of all... There is none. The problem is...

Big Bertha: n 1. Used to describe an old, overweight, super butch in prison. They generally attempt to take young unassuming convicts under their wing to turn them into their 'women.2 Same as the above, except the Bertha is out in the real world...

Now as you can see, if I've described this woman as a Bertha... That makes me the young unassuming woman, and Dear, God...

It wasn't disturbing because she was butch or overweight.. It was disturbing because she seemed to think I was barely legal. Going so far as to say, "You're probably to young to remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..."

:blinks:

And yet, she spent at least 40 minutes trying to pick me up! Now this woman HAD to be at least as old as my Grandmother, or at the very least, only a few years younger!

Then, to top off my day...

Reason number five: I discover a credit card company has basically been stealing me blind for the past 6 months and that I have to wait until Monday to even speak to them about it!

::deep breaths::

The good news?

In an hour a new day starts and I can start again. Hopefully the universe decides to smile on my again.

I do believe... | They Will Appear | Akron/Family

Is it a tombstone?

Sweetness, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Life is funny sometimes.

And really, I say that so often it should be my catchphrase. Or rather, it will end up being one of things people will remember me by. My tombstone, in all likelihood could end up reading: Indeed, Life is Funny Sometimes...

Actually, now that I think about it I may just have to request that it happens that way. It'd be my last inside joke that would last as long as people remembered me...

But that was a tangent. So...

Life is funny sometimes.

This was supposed to be the year of increased everything. Increased blogposts, increased music consumption, increased relevancy, and just... more.

Yet as we near the end of the year it's becoming increasingly obvious that that will not be the case. Sure, I've managed to widen my musical horizons, but really... There was never a chance that that wasn't going to happen. On the other hand however, I'll be lucky to break even with my blog count for last year and as for relevancy...

That's always up for debate, but I'm not sure I did so well there either.

This was a year of calm drama. Which... is kind of funny in a not kind of way. I gained and lost friends as quickly as my heart beats and yet... Funnily enough, I will end the year with the same core friends I had at the beginning of it.

I'd like to think I grew some this year. I learned more about myself and thus learned more about others. I reached an apex of my faith then became disillusioned by my fellow members.

I changed this year.

Not for better or worse, simply a sidestep in life.

I reconnected with the woman I once thought I'd marry only to realize there are somethings better left in the past, untouched by present day realities.

Really, for a year seemingly so mundane it only makes sense that my experiences within it be equally mundane yet many.

It's funny in a way.

I barely posted anything here this year, and yet my Google Buzz account is practically brimming with nonsense. It seems, while it might have been a slow news year for me personally... The rest of the world was brimming with stories that made you ache for a time that never was... A time when common sense was the law of the land and people using logic wasn't such an absurd unheard of thought.

I don't know. There have been plenty of times when I, between destinations would think.. . Life is funny sometimes... then words would pour out of my brain only to disappear into the air because I didn't take the time to write them down.

Maybe it's better that way.

I don't know... One day I'll make sense. 'Till then, there's music to be listened to and thoughts to be thought.

Oh, and a story to be written.

"My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth..." - Modest Mouse

Maya. & Me

M.I.A., originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Last night I dreamed I was in a relationship with M.I.A.

It's hard writing this post because I feel like it makes me seem like a crazy rabid stalker type person. I'm not. I swear, lol.

BUT! I did indeed dream that we were dating and it was... So nice. And the dream seemed to last months, even though it was at most, 10 hours...

Actually now that I think about it, it was M.I.A.... but it felt like my ex.

So perhaps, this blog post should be titled: Pasha & Me...

Oh god, I'm so cheesy.

Before and Again

pe ac e, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

All of my dreams are memories
That I can't place to a time or a face
But my body knows
Of the ribbons and hose
That I once was tied in
In my mother's skin

Before and Again | Akron/Family

Life is funny sometimes.

Or rather not funny... But curious. Intriguing in the sense that it keeps going.The exact beginning of it all is going to be debated until the exact end.

Big Bang or Divine Intervention?

Who knows? And at the end of it all, does it really matter? Life will continue long after our short stint with it, so really.. arguing about the logistics of it all tends to feel pointless at times.

Or, not really pointless... But just, more of the same.

It's funny. Not life, but, well, me I guess. There's always so much going on internally. So much I'd love to share... Here, in this blog... In person, with friends... family, lovers...

But moments are so fleeting. A moment rarely lasts long enough for me to translate a thought to action. And in the meantime emotions are left in their wake. Sometimes with the feeling of missed chances. Sometimes with the feeling that you've selfishly kept great truths to yourself.

[/introspection]

Will commence progress soon

Seasons change, buildings whither, skin wrinkles... Life goes on. Unencumbered by a single soul frozen in place.