The Oceanside

LA Times, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where the air is pure and clean.
I'm moving to the oceanside,
Where I can hear my dreams crash into me.

Oceanside | Angels of Light & Akron/Family

I do not intend to end 2010 with a melancholy post. However, 2010 is the year of the Rabbit. Something I will share with my Father. As such, I must be honest with myself and my emotions. I must embrace old pain as I prepare for a year I'm determined to be better than the one before. Truly, I must win in this year, as it is my year more than most.

This coming March it will be 4 years. And still, gospel music is something I hide from. Both comforted by the memories they evoke and incredibly pained.

I was sitting in the living room only a few moments ago when I heard a familiar song drift through the house from the television my grandmother as has once again allowed to watch her sleep. And suddenly my emotions become to much. The song became to much.

I turned on my music to hide and drown out the song and the memories it brought. But the damage was done.

The emotions had come.

So instead I write them down. I share them with words as I never could with voice. In some respect...I grasp at the memories as fiercely as I wish to cast them aside.

But in the end we are merely a collection of our past memories and our present actions as we move on. In less than 24 hours the year begins again. And like Janus, I will open another door.

Only time will tell what new experiences it will hold.