Purpose | Loitering

data, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Help me understand your purpose in my life. I've written bad poetry about you. Stayed up light at night worrying about you. Cried constantly and doubted myself over you. I've left you behind many times and yet... You always come back. Always returning to my awareness only after I've hardened my heart to you. And always leaving a trail of confusion in your wake.

Leading me to abruptly end contact so that the question of you leaves me be, if only for a while.

But you always return and I always respond. So the question is why? What game are we playing? Do you know? Because I'm no longer 16 and I'm tired of not knowing the rules.

What is your purpose in my life? What is mine in yours?

One of us needs to figure this out.

-------------------------

So I wrote this a week ago, while at a show in local place called the Naked Lounge. I was half a beer in, listening to great music by a fellow buddha while people many beers deep yelled nonsense... And I remember just suddenly feeling... Like I wanted to feel more than I did. I was sad that the feelings were no longer there. Or were they/ are they/ still there; buried so deep behind unresolved teenage tears that it simply feels like there is nothing?

Who. fucking. knows?

However, the fact remains we're like that stupid couple in Brokeback Mountain. I'm tired of thinking "I wish I could quit you."

...lol Ok, so I've never actually thought that particular phrase....

But I am tired of being emotionally tied to someone I've spoken to at least a few months out of every year since I was 16.

Stop Loitering. 

Come in or get out. Your letting all of the fresh air out of my life.

"And she said she needs more than a friend
Thats all I've ever been...
Well, one day when are you gon overstand...
And I remember the first day that we met ya
How could I forget, cha?
When you smile and I turned and I say to you, yo
yo your pure and true"
-Erykah Badu

Wonderful

King Khan and the Shrines, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So it's that time of the year again, and I couldn't imagine a better intro to the year than this.

The Coachella Line-up has been announced.

And while there are many [as always] that are bemoaning Coachella's 'sold out soul' I am excited.

What's funny is, right now.. I'm mostly excited by an all black cast.

Lauryn Hill.
Erykah Badu
Nas & Damien Marley
Kanye West...

I was so shocked and elated by those 5 names I completely missed the rest of the line-up. Meaning that I've endured rolling waves of excitement as each new band entered my awareness.

Scissor Sisters.... Trentmoller... CSS... Cee lo... Raphael Saadiq... Cold War Kids.. Gogol Bordello... Flogging Molly...

Seriously, and that's so just the tip of the iceberg. There will be I believe 180 bands this year. That means I once again must educate myself on the bands I don't know and brush up on the ones I love.

But oddly, I've found a new component to love and look forward to Coachella.

My sister.

Or rather, the musical sponge that she is right now. She's in this place where everything is shiny. She's a teenager and she's really beginning to understand how awesome and vast the world is. And thanks to me... [I'm not being full of myself, it's seriously thanks to me exposing her to different things and talking to her like a young adult instead of a child...] She's fully in a place to embrace it. She's ready for the mind blowing experience that is discovering a new band and hearing it live.

And what's more... I'm starting to realize that I want to be the one to introduce her to the world of live music. So I've promised to take her to Coachella next year. And I will, even if I have to give up coffee for a month.

Why?

Because it's really freaking awesome having a little sister that you see yourself in. [What can I say? I'm slightly a narcissist] Also... I don't know how to fully explain...

I guess it's like being a parent and discovering that your child actually looks up to you and considers you a major factor in their musical foundations.

I had that bond with both my parents. And because of that I was constantly defending my absolute love for Michael Jackson and Aerosmith. But I never felt odd or weird. I felt like I was leagues above my friends, because I wasn't afraid to sit down and give new music a try.

And now my sister has that bond with me. It's pretty cool. All the BS they sell you about the The Joys of being an Older Sister actually pan out...

You know... What's you survive their annoying years.

But seriously, dude....

Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu....

Nevermore

Nevermore, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

My iPod, elle est morte...

As in, she has gone to gadget heaven and it's time for me to move on. Simple enough as I'd been cheating on her for almost a year with my new love: Nexus One.

That's not to say I didn't love her anymore. I did. I mean, sure... I was no longer technically in- love with her anymore... But one doesn't just have a 3 year relationship end without some feelings of remorse and loss. After all, 3 years can hold quite a few memories of good times.

However, just as the sun will rise, so to will it set. And it has finally set on my Apple flavored lifeline.

I'll admit, this relationship ends with a few bitter feelings. After all... When I was with Creative they never died on me!

But really, my iPods death was just a formality. The final nail in the coffin that was our relationship.

I'd moved on. There was a new gadget in my life that did all that I asked for and more...

So on this day... December 29th, 2010... I say goodbye. May you enjoy the Apple-afterlife on the Island of Forgotten Toys

In my moment of introspective silence... I play:

The Way The Wind Blows | A Hawk and a Hack Saw

In crisis

The New Sexual Revolution, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So, yesterday we addressed the fact that I say: You know? Life is funny sometimes... Quite a bit.

So of course it only made sense that today, the universe decided to show me just how funny it can be. So let's begin:

Life is funny sometimes... In a not kind of way.

Reason number one: It's raining in LA... RAINING! I just left rain! I expected SUN and heat and... You know... NOT RAIN!

Anéwé.... [french joke]

Reason number two, three and four: And really, I have no idea how to even go about articulating this one... So I'll explain from the beginning...I went on a Best Friend Date today... [You know, like... a Bromance, but with out the bro or the lack of intelligence]. We went to our [formally favorite] Barnes & Noble, expecting: good coffee, better magazines and amazing books...

Almost immediately we go for coffee [as that's always the first step.] And my coffee was obnoxiously bad. I mean, beyond the pale. To be clear, it's the coffee you serve someone right before you break up with a person and tell them you never liked them anyway...

Then, after I get a comped Americano [like I said... I wasn't drinking that coffee] I make my way to the magazine racks only to discover my three favorite magazines just aren't being carried anymore.

Which magazines? You ask. Good, Mojo, and Juxtapose.

Now thoroughly off my game, I attempt to settle for other magazines... It didn't work. So I made my way upstairs. Determined to at least get something out of this trip, I attempt to finish out my Christmas list [the little people's gifts] by buying them graphic novels.

HOWEVER... Right as I got into my book browsing groove... Right as I start to feel like B&N had finally redeemed itself for it's previous crimes against me... All of a sudden, this Big Bertha of a woman interjects herself into my awareness...

Now, I know what you're thinking... You're a nice person Candyce! What was the harm in having a conversation with a stranger up on her comic lore???

Well, first of all... There is none. The problem is...

Big Bertha: n 1. Used to describe an old, overweight, super butch in prison. They generally attempt to take young unassuming convicts under their wing to turn them into their 'women.2 Same as the above, except the Bertha is out in the real world...

Now as you can see, if I've described this woman as a Bertha... That makes me the young unassuming woman, and Dear, God...

It wasn't disturbing because she was butch or overweight.. It was disturbing because she seemed to think I was barely legal. Going so far as to say, "You're probably to young to remember the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..."

:blinks:

And yet, she spent at least 40 minutes trying to pick me up! Now this woman HAD to be at least as old as my Grandmother, or at the very least, only a few years younger!

Then, to top off my day...

Reason number five: I discover a credit card company has basically been stealing me blind for the past 6 months and that I have to wait until Monday to even speak to them about it!

::deep breaths::

The good news?

In an hour a new day starts and I can start again. Hopefully the universe decides to smile on my again.

I do believe... | They Will Appear | Akron/Family

23

image, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

So... I had a few really great openers swimming in my head all day. Unfortunately, I didn't bother to write any of them down so all you get is this lame explanation.

Moving on...

It's been a while... since I could... hold my head up high... Just Kidding. Does anyone actually remember who sang that song? I bloody hated it so much that I mocked it constantly. Unfortunately, now I can't: say, type or think, It's been a while, without wanting to tack on the rest of that line...

But it has been a while since I've updated this thing, and in that time I've aged a year and started school... Actually, saying that I aged a year seems grammatically incorrect, I think it implies that I was away from the blog for a year and then came back... Thus, aged a year.

It hasn't been that long. So revision time....

My birthday was on the 3rd, [my favoritest person across the pond's birthday was the 2nd] and I turned 23.YAY ME! Oh god, I'm getting old... Just kidding again! Kind of...

Moving on again...

I also started classes [obviously] and I didn't realize how indoctrinated by the journalism program I had become until I enrolled in my first English class in... Christ, 4 years? My professor has asked us to read and summarize different texts. No problem right? Right. Except, I now read and summarize like a journalist major. Anything more then the bare facts is fluff and is to be eliminated.

Naturally, my teacher grades like an English teacher. Meaning, she expects the fluff to be present. Luckily for me, the professor seems really cool and more than willing to work with students with ticks brought on by their major. The second I told her I was a Journalism major she was like, Ah ok... Just make note of that on your paper.

Funnily enough, in that same class we have to interview someone in the field we want to be in and ask questions on what it's like to be in said field... This should have been easy. After all, I'm a Journalism major... So naturally I would interview a journalist, right?

Wrong. I have no idea if I actually want to be a journalist. I'm double majoring in Journalism and Women studies because I love the subject matter. Also because at the very least, I'll be prepared for a career... [Actually, I think I simply like to over complicate things and I'm most likely going to end up working as a journalist]

But getting back to the point... I was wracking my brain for someone who I could interview and be confident in knowing their answers would matter to me when I remembered... I know a self-employed author who also works as an editor! Perfect! All aspects of her life appeal to me. And as luck would have it, [personally, I think it's just that all authors live and breathe flattery and asking to interview her was a form of flattery] she agreed!

So... yeah that was awesome.

Did I mention my birthday just passed? Cause it did...I'm kind of running on empty now so I leave you with song I'm currently spinning...

...On the day that I turned 23,
I was curled up underneath a dogwood tree
When suddenly a girl with skin the color of a pearl
She wandered aimlessly, but she didn't seem to see...

Furr | Blitzen Trapper | Furr

Love Long

Eye, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Is this...

Wait no it couldn't be...

An update!?

Yes, Yes I know. The tales of my demise were woefully exaggerated! So here i sit at a Starbucks patio, listening to the Gossip [a band I can thank Coachella and an ex friend for convincing me to finally give them a chance] and I had the sudden urge to blog.

But about what? That status of my life? And update on the financial situation I find myself? Weather in Sacramento?

Why not all of the above?

So here we go... Life is... Interesting. As always it is a series of ups and downs. Greetings and goodbyes. Music and Books. And games I once thought horribly frustrating only to discover first impressions are not always the best.

After my 2 week stay in Long Beach I once again returned to Sacramento to discover the weather was exactly as I feared. Triple digits with no real respite at night. It was like being at Co-a-chella with out the pay off of live music. But I survived.

I WILL SURVIVE!

Sorry. But alas, the weather today is so... pleasant. It's hard to believe I'm still in Sac. And as for the money situation... lol. Yeah. Let's just say,I made the impossible possible. Even if all of the comforts have been cut out to make it happen. Wifi at home? Gone. Copious amounts of coffee at home? Don't think so. Money in the bank? Literally negative.

But food in the fridge? Yep.

On the music front, I've always known that I liked Tori Amos. I just never ventured past the point of knowing to having... That is until I rediscovered Happy Phantom and knew without a doubt that I NEEDED to own that album. I by need, I do mean need, that song makes me Happy. Which is fitting... You know, because of the name.

Books... I was gifted one by another SGI member and I'm eternally grateful. Any book lover knows that to be given a loved book from another book lover is about the highest form of flattery. After all, book lovers love their books. It's doubly amazing when the book you've been given has been out of print for 20 years and is in perfect condition.

Needless to say, I can't wait to really bury myself in it's theoretical goodness.

Finally games... Games... Xbox 360... How I love you. When Mass Effect first came out, it was given to me as a Christmas present by a really good friend of mine. Unfortunately, at the time I had the attention span of a gnat fly and the patience of a toddler. Needless to say, I wasn't digging the scifi rpg. But that was then. And now? That game has entered the Pantheon of Bioshock and Fable II to become one of my favorites. [Speaking of games.. OMFG I CAN'T WAIT FOR FABLE III[/endgeekout] ]

Yes I know.... short list. But I'm picky in all things.

And... That's it. I've exhausted my list of updates and now I'll resume my usual programming.

We're not droplets in the ocean.... I want the truth | Unnatural Selection | Muse

Beat

Beat, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat... With a baseball bat!
Oh yeah, oh yeah...
Oh oooh....

Beat on the Brat | The Ramones

I am once again in the cafe called Sipology.

Sip-ol-ogy: [noun] : A cafe that makes unbelievably good latte's | [verb] the process of drinking an unbelievably good latte from Sipology.

So ok, the definitions are mine, but this place is amazing. And yet another reason to love Long Beach. Call me biased [which I'm sure you will] but the hidden gems here are amazing. I'm willing to put Long Beach a notch above downtown la for the shear gayness of the city. Which is cool.

Cause I'm a little gay girl.

Speaking of little gay girls... I've been trying to hold off blogging about this. Because hope springs eternal that I'll soon be a taken little gay girl. At which point, it would be highly embarrassing if she read this... But alas...

I met someone.

And she's... older. [like always]. Taller than me [barely]. Lives in San Francisco [an hour away]. And asked for my number & email [gave me hers as well].

So yeah... we talked for about 8 hours straight about... Music, politics, randomness... and it was great in a big way. And she was my type in a big unidentifiable way... [I can never describe my type when asked, but I always know it when I see it...]

So... yeah... all good, right?

The Truth | You have to love a cafe that plays | Handsome Boy Modeling School

The City

Sipology, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

There are so many songs about Long Beach and in a way, all of them fall short.

So I've been meaning to update this thing for a while; however, it's been hard. Not hard in the sense that my fingers were broken or something equally impossible [because, ouch]. No. Mainly, I just needed to digest and adjust. I needed change.

So I went and got a job. But then I realized, canvasing in triple digit weather wouldn't be fun. So I decided to head down to Long Beach.

I got in Saturday morning and as soon I stepped off the train and felt the cool beach weather, with the scenery the perfect blend of gritty grossness and local awesome... I knew it was a great idea.

Truly, Long Beach is a city of of vivid colors, tattoos, rainbows, and... well to a very small degree yuppies. But they've only managed to take over a single street. This is a city of the people. A city of good times cleverly hidden in plain view, as the passing tourist not from around would miss most of it's gems.

They say the freaks come out at night. But here, they just come out.

And damn, it's good to be back.

Rhapsodic

Welcome to Coachella, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Tip toeing through the used condoms...
Strewn on the piers off the west side high way,
Sunset behind the skyline of jersey
Walking towards the water with a fetus holding court,
In my gut,
My body highjacked,
My tits swollen
And sore...

The River has more colors at sunset
Then my sock drawer ever dreamed of
I can wake up screaming sometimes, but
I dont.
I could step off that news pier but I've got shit to do
At unemployment on Tuesday
To shed uninvited blood
And tissue, neh
Blood and Strife

The unwritten rap at the end of Coming Up by Ani DiFranco

Just thought I'd share that with you all. Why? Because....BITCH I MIGHT BE!

In other news, I almost want to change the title of today's post. After all, that's a great title that shouldn't be wasted on the nonsense that is... this. Oh well. I am now listening to Centrifuge by Pomplamoose.

Have I hyped these two yet? I feel like I have... But maybe I haven't. And since I'm really grooving [not really, I'm just laying here... but on the inside... oh by watch out for my moves] to this song. And I really think you all should get a taste of the duo I so enjoy... So check them out! I'd say they sound like the Bird and the Bee. But they don't. I'd say they remind me of the Bird and the Bee. And they do. How that works? I'm not exactly sure. It could be because of the fact that it's a boy girl duo... Or could simply be that there's an underlying vibe that they both share.

Yeah... I'm going to go with that last sentence

Speaking of the Bird and the Bee... If you haven't heard of them yet, please go educate yourself now. Start with the self titled album. Why? Because that's where you can find the songs, Fucking Boyfriend and Again and Again. Then check out the eps Please Clap Your Hands and One To Many Hearts. For Please Clap Your Hands, the songs to look for are Polite Dance Song and So You Say. On One to Many Hearts, you want Last Day of Our Love. And after you've caught yourself up on there back catalogue, get their latest album: Ray Guns Are the Future.

Hmm... Should I just make a mixtape download for you all?

Anonymous Glory

Coachella | Feel Good Inc., originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Groove Salad.

While I'd like to take the claim for creating the phrase, it belongs to the people over at SomaFM. Groove Salad is the name of the station I'm currently listening to, and judging by what I've been hearing so far it's mostly chill beats, ambient, and trip hop. I dig it. What's more, it matches so perfectly to the mood I find myself in at 6:40 in the morning after an unironically sleepless night it's crazy.

It's funny. In a kind of, kind of way. Usually when I wake up I need silence for a couple of hours. Complete silence. With noise coming from nothing, including me. I like to slowly enter awareness; to ease into the day seamlessly by integrating sound only after my buffer period of quiet has ended naturally by chance.

However, on days or rather mornings, like this one... When I've watched my window darken through to night only to slowly phase through the colors of early morning... I find music to be the perfect accompany to the mood I usually find myself in.

But what I always find interesting, or pleasant, or random... Or whatever unnamed word of description that matches best... Is when by chance, I press play my on my iTunes player that is chronically shuffled... Or like today [this morning that is], when I stumble upon an internet radio station and press play to the channel that draws me by name...

And find the music selection so tailor made to how I feel... So perfectly appropriate that I think... This is why I love music. Because I live it. It regulates my heartbeat and determines my moods. It hits my system harder then any drug could ever hope to...

And I think, if I cannot have sleep... At least I have this.

"You know, it just might be this anonymous glory... of all things"

What Dreams

eye, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

May come | or | Dream a little dream.

Funny, when I think about movies with 'Dream' in the title only these two come to mind. Furthering the funny, Dream a Little Dream one of my favorite 80s movies probably more so then all of Molly Ringwalds...Came out in 1989. What Dreams May Come came out in 1998.

Coincidence? More then likely.

However, I didn't wake up with the intent to talk about movie titles. The titles are merely an after effect or rather cause made by the dreams I've been having lately.

I've been dreaming lately. Which, if I'm being honest isn't really new. However, my dreams have been more... confused. Not in the sense that I wake up can not remember what I dreamed about... Or at least not on most days. But confused in the emotion they involve. They've become both disturbing in a nightmarish quality I haven't fully experienced since I was young... And, ok I'll put it frankly romantic. And no I don't mean sexy time. I mean, romantic. Which is a problem in itself. The woman I saw last night was a mash up of a new friend and a random woman I encountered at Coachella.

But the dreams are ccnfused. One portion of the dream involves me in some hellish setting. The other, I guess you could say once I'm 'free' involves a girl. Sometimes the two portions meld. Offering bits of both during both. Last night was a bit of a meld.

I'm a buddhist. However, I've been stressed lately and not practicing as much as I should. Last night's horror part of the story will seem exceedingly strange and unlikely. But I dreamed that I was in a supermarket... |Actually I just realized this was my second dream after waking up briefly. The first one was completely disturbing with no respite of romance or friendship|... with my little sister. And while shopping we passed a group of people actually cooking a full meal. Like a massive holiday dinner type meal. It was annoying because they were blocking the aisle , but they seemed nice so I tried to move on. They offered something to my little sister and she became instantly brainwashed.

Weird, I know whatever. But see, these people were part of the Priesthood. Or for some reason I want to say the priesthood, they may not have been. I think they were just another Nichiren Daishonin offshoot. And they chanted "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo."

For some reason the sound of them chanting incorrectly was terrifying. So I ran. While running I ran into a woman, it was only for a second. A brief respite from the terror, then I was running and dodging again. I don't remember how I got them to stop exactly. I think I shouted, "I'M A BUDDHIST TOO! But you're saying it wrong! It's Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo"

And it was over. Or the terrifying part was. Then I was asking around the supermarket for the woman, and right as I was about to leave she comes out of her office. She smiles and we leave the supermarket while talking and flirting. That's pretty much the rest of the dream summed up. However the world when we left the store... Or rather the landscape was very Mad Max-ish just, barren with very little green.

I don't know... To much stress makes dreams and odd world.

Born Free

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

I know, I know... Still no Coachella 2010 recap! Actually I'm pretty positive you guys are glad about that. I mean, can I wax on or what?

Well I'm sorry if music excites me.

And right now, nothing is exciting me more then the fact that it appears that M.I.A. is back. Clearly, the above video is well, a video and not a photo that I've taken. Well this is a music video [actually I hesitate to call it a music video. Let's call it a mini movie.] Directed by Romain Gavras. In this video, M.I.A.'s first song off of her still untitled and yet to be released newest album called, Born Free.

Now there's much discussion going on about this video. Some are calling it to violent. Some say that it's to sensationalized. Some are going so far as to call M.I.A. a hypocrite.

My take, if you haven't already cottened on... I think it's about time M.I.A. went back to talking politics in her music instead of doing over produced singles with Timbaland. This video speaks to what's going on in the world by bringing proximity. People are saying that this video makes M.I.A. a hypocrite because of how violent it is when she speaks non violence. But more then non-violence, M.I.A. wants people to be aware. And in this video if you substitute the red-heads for any sub-group in existence today, it would show reality.

Honestly, the only way this video could be MORE real is if she used an actual clip of what most would consider 'war crimes' and yet are becoming more and more common practice.

Some people took an overly literal take of this video and said this video is anti-American. However, if you take the cops [or military] in the video and give them accents... They could be any super power in the world. If you dress them differently, they could be any 'terrorist' group in the world.

My opinion? This video is a super shiny mirror. And a lot of people are disturbed by what they see.

Random Thoughts Before Bed

Coachella Campgrounds, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Isn't it amazing how after seeing a band live just the thought of the experience instantly transplants you back there?

For example, just now I was outside and I started thinking about Muse while standing outside. And just like that, I'm back in the Polo fields dancing to the Resistance with thousands of other strangers. And the awesome thing about that is, that experience will always be with me. Whenever I hear their music my mind will always instantly go back to the Polo fields.

And just as I was listening to the music that only I could hear, dancing with the feel of grass on my feet still very much there... And just like that, the beginning of the song "No Such Thing" by John Mayer pops in my head.

Opening chords leading into, "WELCOME to the real world she said to me...."

It was crazy. Because at first I had to pause. How did I go from Muse's Resistance to John Mayer's No Such Thing?

However, as I continued to think about it became increasingly apparent. And really, it came to me quickly.

I had a conversation with some of my neighbors at Coachella about this.

Experiences are forever. Money, status, degrees? Sure they could last. But on your death bed, which would you rather have? A bank full of money or a lifetime of amazing memories?

For me, the answer is easy. I want to be rich in experience. I want enough money to get by, anything more is an extra bonus.

And in the meantime, I'll keep dancing to the music only I can hear.

Dare

IMG_3560, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Coachella is 7 Days away and I have no idea how to properly put to words how I feel.

After all, the Coachella Music and Arts Festival is much more then a music festival. It's an experience. And describing an experience is a bit like describing a mirage. It'll never be quite like the brilliance you see.

And how could it? How could I explain the experience of listening to the bands that will play Coachella, knowing that soon I'll be experiencing it live? How can I explain the feeling of driving past the windmills, knowing that you're almost there? How can I explain the utter brilliance of standing in the campgrounds at sunset, looking around and seeing flags from every country imaginable and knowing everyone there is feeling the same thing? How exactly I describe restless excitement of coming home? Where music reigns supreme and everyone around you simply gets it?

Because, for those like me... The Campers, the die-hards, the people that attend rain or shine, no matter the tragedy experienced through out the rest of the year... Coachella is a breath of fresh air. A moment of sanity in a world of chaos. It's 3 days of music and 4 Days of celebration. A haven.

And just, how does one explain all that?

Lost Boy

IMG_4707, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's about time I've given some reference to Corey Haim, the lesser half of my favorite, Corey Feldman. And what better way then a day in which the title aptly applies to me? You know, minus the boy part.

I left the house this morning about two hours after waking up at 12. I had no real goal in mind. I was vaguely hungry though, so I figured I'd hop on the first bus that stopped in front of my house and get off at the first sign of something good.

By the time I got on the bus I'd realized I forgot my ipod and my phone still isn't activated [we'll get to that later]. However, just yesterday I'd dedicated an hour to loading 12 books on my phone so i figured it wouldn't be a total loss.

Halfway into the ride, about 30 minutes later, I realize I'm actually not that hungry but that I'd get off if a diner still serving breakfast came into view. Another 30 minutes later and I was getting off the bus at a local train station. I hadn't found a diner. And the train was delayed by about 20 minutes.

By the time I got off at the train station a few blocks from my house i realized I felt utterly lost. Completely bereft. Without music playing constantly in my ears i felt like I was walking underwater in alien lands. Truly, a walk I usually navigate daily suddenly seemed to stretch on forever as I made my why home.

When I got home I still felt moderately discontent. So I decided to leave again for the Starbucks a few houses down from my house, in the opposite direction from where I had just come. I didn't want coffee, but I did need something.

As soon as I walked into the room, i felt the air-conditioner and saw two of my favorite baristas. I ordered a Venti Iced Soy Green Tea latte. It had been a while since I'd had one and it was suddenly all I could imagine having right then. As I waited for my drink to be made, the music playing started to slowly filter into my awareness.

Damien Rice | Abruptly cut off and replaced by | the Gorillaz | played all the way through | Followed by another artist...

I was starting to feel alive again. Like waking up. I got my drink shortly after and walked home.

It's 3 now.

Gotta

IMG_4717, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Three things. One day.

Thing one. While walking to Starbucks to get my pre-class coffee [Starbucks, because I've degenerated into a level of laziness that no longer permits me to make my own in the morning.] I noticed a snail on the ground. My first thought was, 'gross!' as I continued to walk by. However, a few feet past I thought, 'I should take a picture of it.'

Thing two. While waiting for the bus, I saw a man looking through an ash tray on the top of a trash can for a used cigarette. I offered him a new one. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Thing three. While walking home after my Intro to the Women's Movement class, I pass two women talking and walking in the opposite direction. As we approach to pass each other, I hear the woman closest to me say, "You gotta be healthier." And in the heartbeat that we are aligned, I see the other woman nod and a agree. It's only as I take the step to move beyond them that I fully realize the woman that agreed was holding a half eaten corn dog from the gas station I was about to pass.

The Turn

Broken, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Life is funny sometimes and the weather lately has been reflecting that. Within one week it's been obnoxiously warm and the very next day completely grey and raining. Then as if someone put us on repeat, the pattern was repeated. Hot & Cold.

Needless to say [so then why am I saying it?] Many people have been getting sick. And as for me? Well, my Sacramento allergy problems have been holding strong.

But other then that... I've been a remarkable bum lately. [I added the remarkable bit so I don't sound to sad...] Truly though, I've not been doing much. In fact I had an all out bloody war with my lack of inertia.

As you can imagine, it was a purely mental battle that was quite exhausting. After all, "When you decide to nothing you must be very careful. Because even the slightest thought can lead to something."

But my mind fought valiantly.

And in the end, I ended up discovering a new [to me] band on youtube | Pomplamoose | They kind of remind me of | the Bird and the Bee | But I could be overstating their similarities.. I'm crap at that after all.

I've also, been listening to | The Temper Trap | the XX | Miike Snow | the Whitest Boy Alive | and | Phoenix's - "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix" album | non stop lately.

I'm not entirely sure why, either. I mean, completely disregarding the fact that I do absolutely love the respective albums... I think it has something to do with the weather combined with my mood.

Like I said, sometimes life is funny.

Fuck Those Bitches

Thievery Corporation, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

The most ridiculously disrespectful thing I've read today comes from a female buzzer that shall remain nameless. [Truly I've already forgotten her name, to insure I can't pass it around for open mocking.] The quote?

"I have decided that I have a problem with Feminists. Not feminism, that's all well and good - but feminists... fuck those bitches"

...Ok? So how about this, you go back in time and tell the women that faced constant degradation to insure you could: Vote, get a real Education, retain personal Wealth, have some say in what goes on with your Body.... That you're down for the cause, but you'd be just as happy living in a society where you literally considered a ward of your husband.

Then come back to the present day and tell the women that continue to: try and raise awareness for women's issues, attempt to raise awareness to the fact that while there are more women with higher degrees and in the professional-non-working-class arena they still get paid noticeably less then their male counterparts... That you're down for the cause and appreciate all of the belittling they get while trying to work for the good of all women and men* ...But they really need to realize they're nothing more then dogs on the street.

I mean, that's fair right? And it absolutely makes since. Much like this next sentence will.

I have decided that I have a problem with Green foods. Not broccoli, that's actually pretty good - but green foods... Gross.

Made sense, right? Right? Bueller?

___

and Men* = Feminism by it's very nature, by it's very purpose... Is for the good and equality of of all genders. Not to elevate women to a position higher then men. After all, when you do away with female stereotypes... You similarly do away with male stereotypes

Foodie

Yum!, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I've recently come to the conclusion that being a foodie is expensive.

What's more, I think for a long time I was in denial about how much of a foodie I am. I used to simply shrug and tell people I was insanely picky eater. Which was always true, however, i'm starting to realize it was much more then that. I love food. And I think foodie's are often typecast as food snobs that can't enjoy a meal unless it's expensive ethnic fusion of some sort. And for sure, there are some self proclaimed foodies that are exactly that way. However, a real foodie is someone that enjoys food. They enjoy watching food shows, making food, trying new things, and would be just as happy with a tasty expensive meal as they would be with food from a delicious street vendor.

Food becomes much more then something you ingest for nourishment and becomes something you create. Something you share with your friends and talk about later.

So... yeah. I'm a foodie. And it's expensive. Not because I'm constantly buying foods far to expensive for my means... But I'd rather make my meals then buy, ready made foods. I enjoy the process for shopping for food and crafting meals. The problem, however, is that I get caught up single meals. Or foods that will last for a short period of time. I buy all the necessary items for a couple different meals and by the time I'm done $50 are gone as well. I get home, and I give a happy sigh that lasts a few days to a week.

Then another idea hits... It would be so good if I had this, that and the other food... Cause then I could make, blah, blah and blah.. So 1 and a half weeks later I'm back at the grocery store! And it becomes impossible to spend anything less then $30 dollars, because fresh fruit is expensive, seasonings are expensive, unprocessed foods in general... Are expensive.

For me at least. But it is, what it is. I don't go to the movies. I don't have a tv, so no cable bill. And the general public would be a little shocked if I mentioned when the last time I'd bought new clothes or shoes.

So in the end I indulge my love of food and trying new things with only a minimal amount of guilt. Cause, yum!

Buzzin

The Go! Team, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

First things first, let's dedicate a moment to look upon Ninja with love absolute love, for how awesome she is... Oh yes, love.
__

Now I'd like to talk about how much I love Google Buzz. Seriously, I'm all a twitter with glee for it. I just configured my profile [which can be found here for all you other early adopters...] And it's really cool. I love the way I can get updates from two of my favorite tech blogs right from my Buzz page. I also really like the way my Buzz profile has a single bar that shows my flickr page, without being to jarring or 'LOOK AT ME' ish, you know?

Probably not.

But in other, slightly less tech related news [it's time to put my geek away]... I lost my atm card two weeks ago. And lucky me, the day before I lost it I realized that I needed to pay my cellphone bill. So... I've equally been without a cell phone for the past two weeks. For the most part, it's not been that bad. After all, it gives me a legitimate excuse not to call home. [I know what you're thinking. 'For SHAME!' and 'Call your poor grandmother, right NOW!' Or possibly even, 'I don't know how you SLEEP at night!'] ....Actually all of that, may just be the voice my family had implanted in my head at birth so I always have a healthy dose of guilt on hand. However, it can't be helped! I don't have anything to say.

By and by... I ordered a replacement card immediately, because I still needed to buy a compilation book that my teacher put together online. After calling I was told that my card would be in my hands within 4 days. Meaning, it should have been in my hands last Wed at the latest. Thursday...Friday... And realization hit.

My atm card was sent to my grandmothers house... In LA. So I had 3 options.

1. Call home and have an awkward 'I know I haven't called in 2 weeks now, but I think my atm card got sent there can you overnight it?' Conversation
2. Call my credit union and have THAT card canceled and a new one sent to my current address. Which would mean another week or more without my card. Or
3. Email my Aunt at work, explain everything and hopefully have my atm card by Monday.

I'm a bit of a coward, I was going to go with option 2, until I realized had option 3. So I fire off my email Friday and eagerly wait for confirmation that it was received. Saturday.. Sunday.. Monday.. Finally, today after I've all but given up hope my aunt responds. Apparently, Friday and Monday were holidays, who knew? [That was rhetorical] So now, I have to wait until tomorrow for my aunt to email letting me know whether someone's put my card in the mail.

Which in a round about way brings us back to Google Buzz, by way of Gmail. Buzz, it's what you do... lol