Things We Lost in the Fire

IMG_4390, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

For some reason I always get the urge to use that title, but it's never appropriate. However, lucky me, it finally is.

Not that there was a fire.

But there's a distinct lack of father. Who also happens to be a life time member of the struggling addict club. I'm not bitter.

Anyway, I hadn't talked to him in a month - my fault by the way, I've been busy - So I decided to buckle down and call.

Only, the two numbers I have now lead to other people. And if he doesn't have a phone, I doubt he can check his email. *shrug*

---

In other news.... Lily Allen's 'U killed it' is playing and I want to be profound. I think it's the downtempo type beat.

But I was thinking about this on the drive down to LA, Saturday. Somethings just make me wish I was: more. You know? A good song makes you wish you could play or sing that well. A good book makes you wish you could write that well. Gorgeous scenery makes you wish you could capture it in a photograph that would do it justice or paint it in a way that shows the emotion.

More.

However, since I can't do more to capture the random floating around my cranium I think I could settle quite nicely in the position of... fanatical consumer of everyone else's creation.

Overboard

I Love Techno

IMG_4157, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's very inconvenient when you want and mean to do something and don't. And it's even worse when it's something insanely simple that could be done with minimal movement.

And yet you refuse on principle. Or because you get distracted by a shiny. Which, i don't know if you can tell or not, happens a lot to me.

For example? Currently I have the Hard Music Festival mix tape from last year playing. I don't particularly feel like listening to this and this is a 60 minute track. All it would take is extending a finger to press the skip button.

But 6 minutes into the track, I haven't. Worse, I'm writing a blog about why I haven't. I'm aware of the absurdity believe me.

This is just one of those natures best moments.

Students United

Students United, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Boy, it's amazing how much you don't get done even when you dedicate all your time to doing it.

What do I mean? Well for one, I've had two blog updates written in my notebook for the past two weeks. With the intentions of posting them the same day they were written upon coming home. Clearly that didn't happen.

The end of this semester has hit particularly hard. At any given moment I'm on the cusp of being overwhelmed, yet somehow managing to navigate just enough to stay afloat. Honestly, I dig it.

Well, I dig it now that my 10 page EU paper is over. That was a nightmare. So to, was my Capstone and in class articles for my journalism class.

[paramour, I shake my head at that band and its listeners. < / tangent > ]

Why the stress over the Capstone article and what IS a Capstone article? Well the stress derives from the fact that the Capstone is a major part of my overall grade. And the article was basically a 410-450 article based on a speech we were supposed to go to. I thanked my lucky stars that I took diligent notes at the Chelsea Carter Q&A and did mine on that.

However, the in class article led to, I'm sure, a few strands of premature gray. Why? This article, to which we had an hour to write based on a paragraph of facts, would determine whether I pass the class... And am formally allowed into the journalism program. And while I'm fairly confident in my writing skills, there's the minor issue of my comma problem. To which I, like many others in my class, "throw them in randomly hoping that they'll land in the correct place." That is, according to my professor.

But alas. This week sees the end of two classes. Tomorrow, the people that passed the in class article will take the final. [Cruelly, no one knows if they've passed until tomorrow.] And on Wednesday, my final paper in my woman's study class is due.

[Why are some baristas such snobs? Hi, barista? You're ruining my coffee experience. < / tangent > ]

Oh well. Ignoring the fact that I haven't yet started writing my paper and probably wont until after tomorrow's class around 6pm... It's all... Good? 5x5? Swell? Eh. It's cold and I don't hate it.

Now in case you were wondering about today's picture... It's from a Mock Funeral/Protest over the never ending fee hikes the CSU schools are undergoing. Especially in the face of the administrators giving themselves excessive raises while firing our professors, lecturers, and cutting class offerings. It was also a protest of the Governator cutting the funds meant for the CSU and UC schools to almost nill. When we register for Spring Semester, it's to a pop up that says, "CSUS has the right to raise the fees for next semester without letting you know." It's crazy.

So yeah, about 200 students came out last Thursday with signs to show how much we don't appreciate our Government and administrators crap.

To check out more photos from the rally just click the link beneath the picture.

Roads

IMG_4110, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

I've been up since 2:30am and I went to sleep at 12am. Oddly enough... Well never mind, I'm every bit as tired as you can imagine.

My grandmother decided she wanted to go visit my cousin since I would be going back to Sacramento today. I suggested she leave early. She chose 4am. So I was up and ready to drive her to the Amtrak station for her 4am bus. Good times really, it's the least I can do considering all the times our situations have been reverse.

So what have I been doing since then? Making sure I don't leave anything vital when my ride gets here at six. It amazes me. No matter how light I pack, I always end up taking an extra bag back. Gotta love the worrying spirit of the grandmother that ensures you have what you need plus everything she thinks you need.

But really, on the drive back from the train station I realized how much I appreciate LA and KCRW. Honestly, radio stations like KCRW are a dying breed and I'm glad to say LA is home to one of the best. And while listening to the station I came to another realization.

What is it, you ask? It's, while I still think Morrissey is a pretentious asshole... Some of his music really is quite good.

"None of these mindless dolts have any idea how lucky they are. They live perfect lives, eating fries whenever they please, laughing and joking with their perverted condescension. Mark my words--- I will spite these fry-gorged gargoyles. The street will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!" IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas - Chuck Klosterman

Connect

Connect, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Today the Associated Press correspondent for Iraq, Chelsea Carter, came to talk to about 40 Journalist Majors at Sac State. Why? Because she's an alumn, believe it or not and the experience was so much more then I expected.

Which isn't really saying much as I'm not sure exactly WHAT I was expecting. Honestly, I think I may have went in with my fair share of cynicism. Expecting her to either speak down to us, over glorify the life, or over simplify it.

She did just the opposite. She spoke frankly, and honestly. She made sure we knew the pay was horrible, lol. That we understood the hours could be endless. And that we would without a doubt be starting out at the bottom.

However, the most important thing expressed by her in every single response she gave was the undeniable love she still had for the art. At the end of the Q&A she asked for a show of hands of all who planned on going into the business. Unsurprisingly, most of the people in the hall raised her hands. Then she asked for a show of hands on how many people were planning to go into print. Also unsurprising, there was maybe 9 other hands other then my own. To us she gave a special kudos. After all, if the media were to be believed newspaper writing is a dying medium. And of course the vast majority of students in attendance had aspirations of broadcast.

Chelsea Carter was absolutely what I needed. She didn't sugar coat life as a journalist. She let us know that more and more to be competitive one needed to be a sort of one man band. Can you also take the pictures for your story? Brilliant. Can you edit a video? Brilliant. Can live on coffee alone? Brilliant.

Just kidding about the last one. But seriously, where some might have been discouraged by the frank way she let it be known that we would most likely never be rich... I was completely fine with that.

After all, who needs to be rich when you're doing what you love?

Mouth Full of Water

IMG_4111, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

Woe = Over

Seriously. I am who I am. And people are who they are. I can't believe I actually went to sleep distressed, trying to figure out how best to change my personality. That's not the way life works. That's not the way I work.

To go through life constantly concerned with whether you offend people simply by being you, is to go through life as an other. And I left that behind in high school.

Sure, you don't want to be overtly in your face offensive. But to be anything, but who I am at all times would be to slander myself. And I wont do that.

So I've decided. It's time to create a distance between us. After all, being told 3 times in so many weeks that someone you consider a close friend can't stand aspects of your personality is damaging to a girl's self esteem.

It'll take time to back from this. But we will. Or at least I will. The only person I control is me. And the only way I know how to be is genuine.

IMG_3970

IMG_3970, originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

What is it about me that brings out the immaturity in others? That's the question posed to me. And it's question I desperately wish I had the answer to.

It's come to my attention that I bring out the worst in people. People that would otherwise be serious, find themselves in a goofy joking mood around me. That's apparently not a good thing.

It's something that I hate to say is currently weighing my spirit down. I hate to be a bother to anyone. So when a woman I otherwise look up to can barely stand to look at me, let alone speak to me other then to say that I basically bring out the worst in people....

It's discouraging. We went to a Rock the Era meeting today. A meeting where youth are supposed to be coming together to really change their lives for the better. And we walked away... In discord.

Maybe it's time for me to take a step back.