Things I Learned Today

IMG_4646, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

It's been a while since I've done a "Things I learned Today" post, so while editing this post I realized it was time. My original title was... trite. Not on purpose, just well... trite. I've come to some realizations in the few hours that I've been awake. And really, the fact that I've literally only been awake a few hour is a realization in itself. I went from: absolutely no sleep for the 40 hours connecting Monday - Tuesday; to sleeping long into Wednesday before going to a meeting; waking up early and being insanely productive by 2pm Thursday; to... just waking up a few hours ago on Friday. It's 3:27pm. And by a few hours I'm exaggerating the fact it's been about 2 and half hours only.

Yeah... as I'm sure is abundantly obvious at this point, I've got a sleeping problem. At which point, the problem is that I don't. And when I do, my body tries to over compensate. It's troublesome. Lack of sleep makes everything feel do or die, while simultaneously feeling like a high zombie that simply lacks all desire to move.

Heh. High Zombie... "BRAAAAAAAAAAINS! Uh... could you come to me brains? I think the couch is trying to swallow me... Oh.... Is the room spinning?"

In the meantime, the list.

1. I Need A New Coffee Machine.

• The one I have was useless when my mom gave it to me... wow 4 years ago. I kept it for sentimental value but... It's time for me to get real. My mom knew how addicted I was to coffee and she'd never want me to suffer through consistently meager cups of coffee out of some misplaced since of sentiment.

2. I need to finish filling out my fafsa information.

• And really, I do. It's already late, but for some reason I'm dragging my feet on the final step which is simply submitting a few lines saying "My Situation Has Not Changed." It's always the little things that I simply do not want to do.

3. I need to let go.

• I've never enjoyed the chase. It's not about the thrill of persistency and I've seen the kind of person you can become when you are constantly reaching out to people that do not reach back. It's a road that only has hurt on the other end. A road, I vowed early in life never to follow. So what do you do? What do I do? I move on.

No bye. No Aloha

I'm The Last Splash

This little old lady..., originally uploaded by nicolemonet2002.

"Spitting in a wishing well 
Blown to hell crash 
I'm the last splash "

        Cannonball - The Breeders

At 12 am Friday morning, I started something. By 12 am Saturday, I was pretty sure I was in hell. By 12 am Sunday I was... strangely ok. What have I done? I've started a water fast.

It's been without a doubt, an experience. I've waited 3 days to even really mention it to people, because even up until 10:30 last night I wasn't sure I'd make it to 3 full days. Fasting is both the easiest and hardest thing you could do. You just really have to be able to talk yourself out of freaking out.

Or at least, that's how days 1 & 2 were for me.

Day 1: I drank very little water and read non stop to keep my mind off of the ever present signals my body was sending me. Letting me know it was not amused by the sudden lack of food. It really wasn't that bad until the book I was reading started going into detail about an "insanely delicious" meal. After that, I spent the rest of the day reading other people's experiences with fasting... [And finding out most people wouldn't advice water fasting to a newbie... Oh well.] After I made it two 12am I took a big gulp of water and gave myself a pat on the back. When around 1:40 the hunger pains came back I immediately drank quite a bit more water and went to sleep.

Day 2... I think was a thousand times worse then Day 1. I'm not entirely sure why, but it was. It started out ok, but unlike Friday where I barely drank any water... On this day, the second my stomach no longer had water in it the most intense hunger came over me. I'm not sure whether that was mental or not. Especially since the one real thought going through my mind during this time was something along the lines of.. "This is bogus... I've already done one full day, that's enough... The Am/Pm on the corner has food... You have coffee" ... Yeah. Like I'm sure I've said quite a few times already I'm sure... Mind game. During those times, I'd usually kind of just force my mind to slow down and relax. Then once the panic was gone, I'd drink quite a bit of water. It was insane, because by 10:30 pm I was sure I was going to end this at 12am. I was absolutely sure that by the time Sunday had officially came I would have already been halfway to the am/pm on the corner, with a pot of coffee brewing in my apartment.

However...

Day 3 aka Today. started with me oddly calm. As in absolutely no hunger at all. Not even a distant twinge. It was odd, because I was suddenly feeling really at ease. Really aware. I just lied down and thought for a while. I guess I became a bit introspective, because the next time I looked at the clock it was 1:40am. Then I noticed my muscles were slightly sore, kind of sensitive to the slightest touch. I figured, ketosis was starting. I'd read there was a feeling similar to being high when it first started, so I wasn't really surprised. However, shortly after the good feelings came... The went and left fierce nausea in it's place. Not cool. So to sleep I went, still feeling oddly peaceful even with the slightly upset stomach.

So that was this morning! [I know, I know Stop using "SO"!] This is now, 2:48pm Day 3 and still no real hunger to speak off. I dig it. If this keeps up I'll just stick with the fast to see how long I'll last.