Snide, Smug, Rude, Fake

Coachella Campgrounds, originally uploaded by SisterSafetyPin.

Me, apparently.

The title I originally planned for this post was: Crisis of Faith

I've lashed out and now feel as childish, as the spirit in which the words were given to me. But it doesn't change the fact that I'd like to lash out more.

What bothers me the most, is that I continuously operate under the assumption that when there is a problem, people will talk them through like adults. Or rather, when there is a problem, people will speak up.

And yet, the opposite is the truth that holds. When there is a problem, people will run away like children while quietly calling names.

Snide. Smug. Rude. Fake.

Me, apparently.

Jaded to friendship.

Me, definitely.

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edit: It's funny, but I was sitting here trying to become less pissed when Quiet Dog, Bite Hard by Mos Def started playing on my iTunes shuffle.

One thing I want to assure them

If they think I'm going to change.

Or compromise my attitude and my way of life

In my expression or in my goal

What's politics?

They're making me stronger.

And I'm much stronger now.

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I've decided this wont affect my outlook on life. If I've learned anything in my practice it's that the only person I have control over is me. I held onto this friendship much longer then I should have. It's funny, because at the beginning of the friendship the ending was foreshadowed. Multiple times in fact. Last year, I should have headed the warnings and let it go. Foolishly I thought I needed it. Foolishly, I thought moving forward we would be more inclined to talk through our problems. I was wrong, and that's okay. It wasn't the first time and it wont be the last.

I don't know, in the long run... it'll be all good.